"The L Word" Recaps: Episode 5.6 "Lights! Camera! Action!"

Tasha doesn't live here anymore — Alice is packing Tasha's things into a small suitcase. She takes the suitcase to the door, where Tasha is waiting to trade it for a key.

Alice: Did you want to come in and see if I forgot anything?
Tasha: I trust you.
Alice: That's bull----. You don't trust me.

Tasha steps forward and stands toe-to-toe and eye-to-eye with Alice, who seems to get a bit flustered by the nearness of her soldier girl.

Tasha: I trust you. We're just not good for each other.
Alice: I'm really sorry that I f---ed your life up.
Tasha: I was gay long before I ever met you.

For a moment, it seems like they're going to kiss, but then Tasha steps back. They chat briefly about Tasha's case and Alice's opportunity to be on a talk show called The Look. She would be replacing someone name Kelly Corrigan. (Gee, whatever and whoever could that be a reference to? I just can't think of a former talk show host with an Irish surname and a connection to someone named Kelly, or a talk show with a vision-related title. I'm drawing a blank.)

Alice: I don't know if I'm gonna do it, though. If I want to be, you know, the replacement dyke.
Tasha: Oh, come on.
Alice: No, you know, 'cause they want me to be out and flamboyant and audacious, and ... you know, it's on national television. I don't know if I want to be gay for the whole world.

Uh. Didn't you just gay it up on national TV in the last episode? I guess that was cable news, not network daytime, but still. You're a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma, Pieszecki.

Tasha: This is why we're not good for each other. Why would you think twice about something like this? It's like a dream come true for you.
Alice: You don't know what I dream of.

Ouch. They both know that's not the truth. It's just what it has come to.

Tasha: You're right. I'm gonna go.

And she does. And it's sad. But not quite sad enough, somehow; I guess because it seemed inevitable.

Parts of that almost felt like a scene from a lesbian pulp novel. They totally should have envisioned it that way, like they did when Shane and Paige were talking about moving in together. Imagine the cover: Tasha in a uniform and Alice in a peignoir, with the title The Devil's Duty and the teaser, "She served her country ... one woman at a time!"

And if I were the music director, I'd have cued up "One Less Bell to Answer" as Alice closes the door. "All I do is cry!"

Sing it, sing it — Instead, we hear Joan Armatrading's "Love and Affection" as the scene changes to Bette's kitchen. The song makes no sense for Alice and Tasha, and is a little too obvious for Bette and Tina. But I do like it — especially in the film Eulogy, when Debra Winger plays it on the piano to express her affection for Glenne Headly's character. Yum.

As Joan sings, "I am not in love, but I'm open to persuasion," Tina shuffles into the doorway and asks if she can come in. Who wouldn't welcome that black tank top?

Bette is surprised to see Tina. She explains that Kit and Angie aren't going to be back from Disneyland for a couple of hours.

Tina: I came early. I hope you don't mind.

That is so totally fine with Bette.