News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media

dorothy snarker

by dorothy snarker

Olivia Wilde gets biblical with Jack Black

Olivia Wilde is going to play Jack Black’s love interest in the new biblical-times comedy The Year One. I am going to let the full weight of that news sink in while you stare at a picture of Olivia. Please, take your time. I’ll wait.

And, for comparison, here is Jack Black.

OK, now side by side.

So, yeah, what’s wrong with this picture? God, could there be a better example of the schlubby guy/hottie girl formula that has become the on-screen Hollywood couple du jour? I’ve railed (and railed) against these pairings for what seems like forever now. It’s not just the aesthetic that bothers me. Heaven knows a book is more, so much more, than its cover. But it’s the inequity of this equation that infuriates me. Where are the schlubby girl/hottie guy movies? And, since we’re dreaming big, how about the schlubby girl/hottie girl flicks?

Sure, you could say that since these films are primarily romantic comedies, the formula works, because one of the biggest qualities women say they want in a partner is a sense of humor. And it’s true. I love funny. I’m all for funny. But I’m also all for parity. Just look at the women Jack Black, in particular, has been paired with through the years.

In The Holiday, he was paired with the outrageously gorgeous Kate Winslet:

In Margot at the Wedding, he was paired with the ridiculously lovely Jennifer Jason Leigh:

In Nacho Libre, he was paired with the stunningly Penelope Cruz–doppelgangerish Ana de la Reguera:

In Shallow Hal, he was paired with the impossibly svelte Gwyneth Paltrow (granted, she was wearing a fat suit half the time, but still):

The industry has turned Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill into viable leading men, but when it comes to comparably attractive actresses with comparably successful careers, I draw a blank.

Seriously, anyone? Anyone? Bueller? One could argue Kathy Bates. Or maybe Nikki Blonsky. And, if you want to start a fistfight with scribegrrrl, Queen Latifah. But none of these ladies are anywhere near schlubby; they’re just not rail thin. There’s a big difference.

And just in case you were wondering, before my die-Hollywood-die rant completely derails the Olivia news, her film The Year One is a Harold Ramis–directed comedy about two men (Black and Juno’s Michael Cera) who wander through early civilization in biblical times, searching for the meaning of life. Along their travels, they run into Olivia’s Princess Inanna, the Princess of Sodom. Yes, as in Sodom and Gomorrah. Talk about your hell in a handbasket.

Crayon's picture

The film plot sounds

stupid.

 

But I will watch it just to see Ms Wilde. Who wouldn't?

As for Jack Black... why do they always cast him in the SAME ROLE?

<>Love, Crayon <>

kazomarie's picture

YUK!

i love jack black for his humor, but all the hot girls??!! get real! 
gotta love olivia wilde tho! i am pining for house to come back on...and bones!
 i love emily deschanel...
Leibug67's picture

Olivia Wilde

I agree...I am ready for more HOUSE!!  I just answered another question on a House MD  thread regarding her character 'Thirteen' on the show.  I like that her character is so mysterious thus far on the show and keeping House (and the viewing audience) guessing!  And I also appreciate Jack Black's comedic humor. 

 

LostSoul's picture

Also of note...

Eden(ex-Bianca)Riegel also appears in this movie...
woops's picture

eek

I clicked on this article and "read" it -- meaning my eyes swept over the words in about a third of a second, I absorbed none of them and . . . wow, nice picture . . . then I went back and read it and was like "WHAT?? *gags a little*" Not to be a hetero-phobe or whatever, but really, ew.

sarahef's picture

*tear*

*sighs* Marissa and Alex. Good times, good times...

Double standards make me want to choke somebody, =/...

 

 

 

...and all was well, and the world smiled.

klabunda's picture

hes fat and shes slim

so what? put him in a nice suit and let her schlub down a bit and this might work. i dont think he is that ugly, as well as she isnt extremly pretty. to pick pics, where he plays one of his schlubby roles and of her, where shes all bushy tailed and sunshine and state, that THAT is a mismatch is easy. how about finding a real pic of him and a real one of her and then talk again?

women in this world do still rather impress with beauty, while its money and safety, that attracts them in men - not that i like it, but thats how it still works and why these films work like this too.

edgyqueen's picture

My "Root"

OK, I admit that my standard of beauty for men is skewed dramatically by the fact that I don't wish to sleep with them. Any of them. Ever. But, as repulsive as I find "schlubby" men, they are not the reason I'm queer.

Olivia Wilde? She is the personification of the root of all lesbianism!

Radical Bradacal's picture

Speak for yourself!

She's not my lesbian root! 

As for Jack Black, I must be the only lesbian alive who likes him? I do! And I don't think he's Schlubby! Seth Rogan .... definitely Schlubby. But Jack Black is different. And in terms of parity, I thought he and Kate Winslet made a great couple in the holiday! Quirky and good. In fact, I though they were the best part of the movie! Besides the two little English children.

So out of curiosity, no one took issue with Zack Ephron and Nicki Blonsky? Or was it because the vehicle was Hairspray, which purposefully has a heavier lead written into the lyrics? Certainly the character is not the paragon of perfection, weight or no.

I'm also going to assume that by Schlubby you mean untalented, as well as outside the GQ norm? What *I* don't like, is that it's suddently OK for men like Seth Rogen to be cool ... to get the girl ... and it's not ok for women to be unkempt or unattractive in romantic comedies. For instance, The beginning of My Big Fat Greek Wedding starts out that way, then she magically transforms into gorgeous. WHY did she need to transform into gorgeous in the first place?? Now some, I would venture, would argue that women just don't tend to be as unkempt as members of the male sex are. Which, stereotypically is true.

I guess I'm rambling on rather inarticulately about how I feel your article is a bit of a double standard. Do you not like "Schlubby men" because you believe them to be untalented and thereby unworthy of an attractive woman? Or do you not like them simply because these people that you cite tend to be the epitome [in one sense or other] of what it is to be male?

In either case, I would simply say, this is why we're lesbians.

 

 

miss chatelaine's picture

Icky Cinderella themes

absolutely, I hate those movies where the girl transforms from "ugly" or unattractive (and usually tomboyish.. grrr!!) into ravishing beauty queen. There are far too many of these Cinderella-type transformations in movies - The Princess Diaries, A Cinderella Story, almost every teen movie, really.

Which is why I love Some Kind of Wonderful. It's my absolute favourite teen movie ever, and Watts was always the exact same prickly angry seething adorably cute tomboy throughout the whole film, from the very beginning when she was bashing on her drums with her baggy socks and her white singlet to the end, dressed in black ankle-length skinny leggings and coat and hat. She never had to change! and she was always more masculine than Keith - she had shorter hair than him, played the DRUMS while he PAINTED, drove him to school everyday... gosh, I love that movie.

All right, sorry for going on - I'm a really rambly person and when something gets me started I can't stop!

ooh, and I like your example of Zac Efron and Nikki Blonsky.

imthey's picture

I agree...

I'm in agreement with you, Pirategrrrl on this one-I don't think that Jack Black's all that bad.
 
I also have to say that I for one loved him being paired up with Kate Winslet... it actually worked (IMHO).  I really enjoyed the film, especially whenever Jack and Kate where onscreen.
 
I will however admit that I too am frustrated by the double standard in Hollywood (and in life), when all these so called "schlubby" men are declared sexy and yet women are continuously torn apart when they are anything other than a size zero (with nary an exception).   

 

"Think Sideways"

    I M THEY

Xaverie's picture

Kate Winslet and Jack Black

Kate Winslet and Jack Black were a great couple! They were both being taken advantage of in their love lives and he was charming and funny and adorable.
water-fly's picture

Olivia Wilde

Forget about Jack Black lol, look at Olivia! She's gorgeous!
pfl's picture

It is a bit annoying...

but the compound word "Penelope Cruz–doppelgangerish" gives me pause - and compels me to smile. Nice one - I needed that =D
miss chatelaine's picture

schlubby guy/hottie girl

Actually, I think it's just because us women here at AE don't see "schlubby" or um, relatively less beautiful women the same way others do. Okay, take Tilda Swinton for example - she's a huge hit here, or at least a favourite among many of us, but a lot of straight men and women think she's not very pretty and looks like a man. other people might insult kd lang for being huge, but all we see is heavenly voice (or maybe it's just me?) So I just think that what some other people might see as a schlubby woman, we see it as beautiful? gaah, NOT that Tilda Swinton is schlubby in any, any way. I love that woman. But do I make sense? Perhaps the female counterpart to schlubby isn't schlubby as well.

And so maybe people don't see Jack Black or Seth Rogen as schlubby, I actually think they're quite cute.

But I do get your point about the double standards, I definitely agree with that. But what icks me out more is the generational gap thing. Anne heche/Harrison Ford? Catherine Zeta-Jones/Sean Connery? UGH! Why can't you ever pair Johnny Depp with someone his own age? Why can't women above 35 get leading roles? Now THAT makes me mad.

Radical Bradacal's picture

good points ...

I didn't like where you were going with Tilda ... but then I kept reading. :)

And I agree with you, about what constitutes a Schlubby male, does not necessarily have a female counterpart.

I ALSO agree with you about the "no female rolls over 35" ... women have to disappear for 15 years in the span of time between 35 and 50, in which time, they have no career, except to play the district attorney, or a consulting physician [not even the main doctor!] ...

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. [Mark Twain]

miss chatelaine's picture

:) I lurve Tilda.

She isn't what you call pretty, but she is just unbelievably beautiful and completely different from any of the actresses out there right now - her hair! her flawless skin! her freakishly piercing emeraldy-olivey green eyes! her unmatchable androgyny! her refusal to wear makeup! her insistence on wearing the most outrageous clothes and not caring about what people say about her!

Like - for example, MSN criticised her outfit:
Black Velvet If You Please (No Thanks, We're Good): Tilda Swinton has always marched to the beat of her own drummer, especially when it comes to fashion. Too bad her inner percussionist sent her slogging down the road to Middle-Earth on Oscar night. With her Ronald McDonald-tinted tresses and otherworldly, nearly face-paint-free face, the unconventional Best Supporting Actress winner is just a pair of pointy ears away from achieving elf status in this fluid black velvet Lanvin shroud (and hey, with just one more mourning period, she'll have enough material for that other sleeve!).

But to us we think that her "otherworldly, nearly face-paint-free-face" is just amazingly gorgeous. And I'm sure you agree with me, seeing that your avatar is what it is :) And um, I like looking at pictures, so here's one.

Clonchi's picture

hmmm

I liked Jack Black on School of Rock. and that's about it.

I don't think he's attractive, I don't think he's that funny, either! I saw The Holiday, and didn't fall for his character at all. In Shallow Hal, I thought he was just idiotic. I didn't even bother to see the trailer for Nacho Libre. It's INSULTING for any latinamerican. (yes, I refuse to use the term "latina" on myself...)

But I don't think it's his problem! He's just cast in those stupid roles/movies... And maybe it's his problem a little for taking them, but if it's all he's offered, then he doesn't have any other option.

These pairings are just the "trend" now... Just like before it was (and still is somewhat) the whole generational gap thing (like miss chatelaine so accurately pointed out above).

The only time this has been reversed, is in real life with the whole Demi - Ashton pairing. I think this should be emulated on film!

and sorry for all the parenthesis, that's just how I roll... hehe

xom's picture

Real-world example

I honestly don't mind any of the guys mentioned -- I think they're all charming/creative/amusing in their own way. But in any case, Jack Black is married to muscian Tanya Haden and I wouldn't put her in the schlubby category.
jackedup77's picture

Let's be realistic

You can't have a schlubby gilr/hot guy thing in the movies because there are no schlubby girls in hollywood. The Cinderella story is going to always be around because that's all they have to work with. The only way they're gonna get schlubby is through some baggy, unflattering clothes, glasses, or a fat suit. They've even tried the makeup free look; but, really, how many women in Hollywood are willing to go makeup free for long, especially in a romantic comedy?

Hollywood is always going to be about beautiful women and women trying to become beautiful (because some moron made them think they weren't beautiful).

The traditional stereotype is that men are attracted to looks and women are attracted to personality. I've rarely seen a hot guy with an schlubby woman; I've seen plenty of schlubby with schlubby. I've also seen plenty of schlubby guy with hot woman.

The stereotype is that men will only get into relationships with someone of equal or better looks. Women have different standards of beauty or will value other personality traits over someone's looks.

Again, this is hollywood, where schlubby usually equals director/producer. Someone on another thread talked about people writing about what they know. This is what hollywood knows. I don't expect them to make movies about schlubby women with hot guys because it just doesn't happen in Hollywood.


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