 by gracechuNavigation |
Celebrities that are not lesbians 2.0Welcome to another installment of Stars That Are Not Lesbians. Last month, we covered celebrities who retracted former declarations of queerness. This month, we are excited to announce that the word “lesbian,” when used in the same sentence as the name of a female celebrity (regardless of the context), automatically makes the celebrity newsworthy, because the word “lesbian” is magic! If you are a female celebrity, a time-tested and foolproof way to get an article written about you is to either declare that you may want to become a temporary lesbian (e.g. Lily Allen, Katy Perry) or instead, declare that you are not a lesbian. In any event, as long as you mention the word “lesbian” or convince another person to say the word “lesbian” in the same sentence as your name, someone will write a story about you. You don’t need to be nominated for an Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy or a Razzie. You don’t even need to be working. That’s too inefficient. Just use the L-bomb, and let the presses roll! Exhibit A: Pamela dashes mum's “bizarre” lesbian hopes.
Pamela Anderson has had bad luck with men. One turned out to be an abusive cad, another passed on waffles at an Atlanta Waffle House and decided to get into a brawl there instead, and yet another’s greatest claim to fame was appearing in a sex tape with Paris Hilton. So what was her poor mother to do? Suggest that Pamela date other women, of course. Canadian born actress Pamela Anderson has dashed her mother's bizarre lesbian hopes by informing her that her sexual preference is strictly for men. The reason the actress' mom was hoping her daughter might be attracted to other women, was because she didn't agree with her tastes in men. What makes dear mummy think that her daughter wouldn’t date badly behaving tabloid regulars if she were a lesbian? Has her mother not learned anything from Samantha Ronson? In fact, if Pamela Anderson were a lesbian, she would probably go for the female equivalent of her ideal male partner — someone wild, tattooed and boozy — and the most likely candidate would be:
Pros — A much more talented singer than Kid Rock.
Cons — Waffle House is not the only venue where ne’er-do-wells engage in fisticuffs. Put Winehouse in a pub, and she may actually get into more brawls than Tommy Lee and Kid Rock combined.
Perhaps Pamela Anderson’s mother should have suggested that her darling Pamela should simply recalibrate her tastes and date people who aren’t overgrown teenagers. Just a thought. Exhibit B: Selma Blair “shocked” by lesbian crush Selma Blair is "shocked" by all those lesbians who have crushes on her.
According to the article, Selma Blair “is constantly fighting off advances from women.” And because of this, she is “shocked.” SHOCKED! See, Selma Blair must be the last woman on earth, and every night, these female vampires come out at night AND TRY TO ATTACK HER, AND SHE MUST FIGHT THEM OFF TO SAVE HUMANITY! It is such a terribly SHOCKING situation.
Seriously, Selma. It’s a simple concept, really. lesbian (l_z'b_-_n) Selma Blair, as far as I know, is a woman. I am sure no one has any objections to this characterization of Selma Blair. Selma Blair is also a woman whom many consider attractive. So it really is no surprise that some women, whose sexual orientation is geared towards women, have developed a crush on Selma Blair, a woman who many consider attractive. In fact, if no lesbian has a crush on Selma Blair, especially after seeing that kiss between Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar in Cruel Intentions, that would be a cause for “shock.” And need we be reminded that she played a lesbian in last year’s Feast of Love and is playing a lesbian again in the upcoming film Driving Lessons? Of course, Selma Blair could have intended to use the word “shock” to mean a more intense version of the word “tingle,” a sensation that many lesbians felt while watching the somewhat awkward but strangely riveting kiss in Cruel Intentions.
(This installment of Stars That Are Not Lesbians has been brought to you by the words “shocking” and “bizarre,” because the mere mention of girl-on-girl lovin’, no matter how remote the possibility in the circumstances, inspires the use of adjectives usually reserved for alien abduction and Bat Boy stories in the Weekly World News.) Submitted by on July 28, 2008 - 5:00pm. |
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News, Reviews & Commentary on Lesbian and Bisexual women in Entertainment and the Media
you mean ...
This installment is not brought to us by the magic word - "lesbian?" Especially since this word is still ours, by the courts of Greece ... we should use it whenever applicable, so as not to take it for granted.
Who knows? The Dutch/French may want Dike/Dyke back ...
My treasure is my gallant bark,
My only God is liberty;
My law is might, the wind my mark,
My country is the sea.
calling all lezzos!
Who knows? The Dutch/French may want Dike/Dyke back ...
Mate, as long as the Turks don't want lezzo back... like Sue Ann said, what would we call ourselves then?
[MEMBER EDIT: As an online lesbian, rotezora likes romance, buttons and bows, and hamfists]
but ...
"Lezzo" is an Australian thing, right? Because we don't use that word over in the States ... it's WAY too gay. So really ... who cares about Australians?? WTF, mate?
I think we should just start making up our own words with no apparent historical origins. "Flibbity flobbity floos" sounds pretty good ...
My treasure is my gallant bark,
My only God is liberty;
My law is might, the wind my mark,
My country is the sea.
double-you tee eff,
pirate, what kind of schtykel *are* you? oh, THAT kind of schtykel. i see. well, as you were!
[MEMBER EDIT: As an online lesbian, rotezora likes romance, buttons and bows, and hamfists]
Brilliant!
that's absolutely spot-on the money!
AND - as a bonus to this new, gay gibberish - it's harder for the haters to yell it out as a slur ...much harder to say, "F*ckin' Schtykels!" than it is to say the titles we already carry.
Rote, I think it will be up to you and I to create the "New Gay Slang" dictionary.
My treasure is my gallant bark,
My only God is liberty;
My law is might, the wind my mark,
My country is the sea.
Magic words
*Snicker* Thanks for that Pirategrrl.
- - - - - - - - - -
-Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
I blog, therefore, I am
I do ...
what I can ... ;)
My treasure is my gallant bark,
My only God is liberty;
My law is might, the wind my mark,
My country is the sea.
Naah we would not have that
Naah we would not have that word back. We changed it with time, and we are happy with the word 'Dijk'.
So keep using Dike/Dyke, you US Lezzo's.
See ...
THESE are the things we need to know, Stefke ...
My treasure is my gallant bark,
My only God is liberty;
My law is might, the wind my mark,
My country is the sea.
Yes, and now you know! And
You're funny!
I re-read 3 times, and each time,I still laughed!
At least the other 9-letter D-word adjective wasn't mentioned (at least so far!) - we can thank our lucky 'stars' for that!
Love never loses its way home. Remember...its about the journey, not the destination
LOL
This was great and hilarious!!! Loved the reasoning. I think that some straight women just don't know how to deal with a lesbian advance.
— Sharp elbows equals
— Sharp elbows equals silicone puncture hazard.
Thank you! Hehe.
Maybe we should make a "How To Turn'em Gals Down For Dummy Straight Women". It's gonna be no work really, just make some subtle noun changes in our daily schemes to turn down men with poor gaydars.
good ridence
glad they don't want to play for our team. anyone who would rather be with adolecenct, boozing, smelly men is NO CATCH. hopefully these 2 will stay OFF the HOT 100 list. don't need them ... don't want them.
Wow
THANK you for posting that particular picture of Salma. It is now my desktop background. Good day :)
In saying she's 'shocked' she's just trying to be modest. Silly girl, she's too attractive to be modest about it. It just makes her seem like a dolt.
great article
Sharp elbows indeed...
Pamela Anderson and Amy Winehouse??
*runs away and hides*
Lesbian Tees & Gifts - For ladies who like ladies who like t-shirts
hilarious
...kinda like jesus.
"because the word “lesbian” is magic!..."
SO true. Great observation gracechu! So funny!!
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Dalai Lama
LMAO!
too funny.
all the use of "SHOCKED!" kept on sending phoebe images into my brain.
this is BRAND! NEW! INFORMATION!
Shameful
Samantha Ronson - badly behaving? I expect that from heterosexist or homophobic sites that see the butch woman as corrupting the innocent straight teen star...pure nonsense of course...but I don't expect that from here. If rumors of why she was angry at Lohan last Memorial Day weekend are true, it seems hardly something to hold against Ronson. Of course she got to see her friend pass out in the vehicle two days later and listen to gossip blaming her, the conniving lesbian.
Has Ronson ever been busted for drugs or been seen drunk or physically fighting someone? Instead she seems like someone who is in love with a recovering addict (a person that has put Ronson through a lot). I can understand people seeing Lohan as someone problematic to enter a romance in to (no kidding). But instead it is the "badly behaving" Ronson who gets to be the punchline. The same Ronson who seems to have a staggeringly good effect on Lohan since they got together (or back together if rumors of Lohan bearding are true). Shameful. There's more than enough people to attack these two's relationship without us joining in.
The rest of the article was fine.
whoa... stay with me here...
stay with me here...
"What makes dear mummy think that her daughter wouldn’t date badly behaving tabloid regulars if she were a lesbian? Has her mother not learned anything from Samantha Ronson?"
samantha ronson isn't the "badly behaving tabloid regular." she is the lesbian who is dating the "badly behaving tabloid regular." the "badly behaving" person i was referring to is lindsay lohan.
basically, my point was that if pamela anderson were a lesbian like samantha ronson, it does not mean she will automatically date a girl scout as her mother naively believes. if she were a lesbian - like samantha ronson - she could end up dating someone as crazy as lindsay lohan.
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www.gracethespot.com
Selma
http://britnidanielle.blogspot.com/
It's like magic!
Funnily enough, i remember a conversation I had with some of my guy friends in homeroom last semester over the power of using the word lesbian in conversations.
He said the word lesbian in a conversation with a guy next to him, and i turned around and said, "What about a lesbian?"
Me, not being out, had to make a joke later to cover my tracks.
I later mentioned lesbian in a conversation and he said, "Whoa, what about lesbians?"
"What the hell, steven? Is lesbian a magic word or something? Spice of the conversation?! Wait, what about lesbians? Did someone mention lesbians?!"
After that, anytime somebody wasn't listening, the person talking would shout out the word lesbian, to try and "reel" back in the listener.
Ah, good times. =)
Lesbian
selma bleeeeeh
Lol at the Selma Blair I Am Legend thing!
I don't get why someone would be shocked if people of the same sex find them attractive. If people think you're hot, why does it matter who they are? Just be flattered they think you're hot! As sugar soap28 said, if you play a lesbian in two films and kiss Sarah Michelle Geller in another, you would indeed have to be quite naive to be shocked at the attention from lesbian fans.
I find Selma Blair incredibly hot. Ya hear that Selma - you're hot! It's shocking, I know ;-)
"Some of us have it worse Dana, OK? Some of us are dating lesbian men."
Great blog!
But I do think Pammy and Amy would be an awesome couple.
[MEMBER EDIT: As an online lesbian, rotezora likes romance, buttons and bows, and hamfists]
the magic word
just throw the word 'lesbian' in any conversation in any setting, and you have an intense debate that will strech on for a good couple of hours. something i learnt the hard way.
and seriously, Pamela and Amy Winehouse 0_o...*shudders*.
I think Selma was just being
Selma Blair
She plays a lesbian in the movie "Feast of Love" who is married to a man (Greg Kinnear) but meets the woman of her dreams during a softball game.
Thier relationship develops and she ends up leaving her husband for that woman.
Their story is the opening to the movie and here is a great fanvid of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNk7c-IdanE
THIS is why we are flirting with her NOT those other movies where she appears entirely too young.
selma blair article
selma blair article hyperlink is slightly muddled with additional info so for anyone who wasn't able to get to it, use: http://www.stuff.co.nz/stuff/4624753a1870.html
Also the actual quote in the article reads "When lesbian friends tell me they're in love with me after our friendship has been cemented, it always shocks me."
-- I think it's understandably shocking to hear your friend admit they're in love with you after you've known them for a while...
Really?
Gee I think just the opposite because I believe that true love only develops once you really get to know someone. That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach upon seeing the "Hot" girl isn't love it's attraction coupled probably with lust.
But to have someone in your life, seeing you in good times and bad times, seeing you happy or sad or in between and not running away in horror but instead telling me that they are "in love" with me I mean: WOW! that's what we all should be so lucky to experience.
ahh but if it's not
Pam's Breasts
OK I'm starting to get a little repulsed by that photo Ms. Anderson because it looks like her breasts are too heavy for her body and want to separate from her chest. I am a breast women so I know that of which I type ;oÞ
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww
The word lesbian...
As lesbians we must use this word with caution. I used it carelessly when talking about wristi-cuffs vs. hats as a tipp off and almost caused a whole block to burst into flames. True Story (not really).
When a woman is attractive, regardless of her oreintation, I will comment on it. I try to be tactful about it just in case she might freak out. I would say, "nice dress, reminds me of something I would see crinkled next to my bed". I would get some stares but usually a nervous giggle since I "pass" for straight. Once I got a smile!!!!!
That scene in cruel intentions made me realize I was not straight and the Vikky's Catalouge for the underwear (90s Tyra and Cindy Crawford good god!)
Shakespear wrote it best
"As sugar soap28 said, if you play a lesbian in two films and kiss Sarah Michelle Geller in another, you would indeed have to be quite naive to be shocked at the attention from lesbian fans."
Me thinks Selma doth protest too much
The Tactful Approach
"When a woman is attractive, regardless of her oreintation, I will comment on it. I try to be tactful about it."
Hmm that's a fine line to walk. Many women that I've dated who are European nationals employ an approach that is fairly direct.
As a result I tend to take the same approach and let things fall where they may. I've had mixed results here in the states.
Now get this: I once wrote to a person on my MySpace friend's list that she was "Drop Dead Gorgeous!" she lives in Florida and immediately removed herself from my friend's list. I mean WTF!
I did the same thing with an actress in Italy that I communicate with and she is still my virtual friend because she is secure in her sexuality, she's straight and so far hasn't given me a reason to fly to Italy (I mean besides the fact that it is a beautiful country) which I would do in a heartbeat if she opened the door of opportunity "just a little."
I mean even when her boyfriend abandoned her in her time of need it was a "no-go" for me. Sigh oh well moving on.....NEXT! ;o)
Booo myspazz!!!!
I guess with those type of things you have to say it like "OMGz ur so pretti!" and they would say "thx u 2 *simles*" on myspace.
But "drop dead gorgeous" you might as well have declared your love for her, and send a u-haul *you being inside the truck lol* to FL!!!!!!! :P
With online comments I just look and keep it inside, unless I know little bit more about the person, then yea green light!
AWWWW... not Selma!! I'm
AWWWW... not Selma!!
I'm going to assume that this may be a misprint or something of that sort. Selma is way too smart and aware to be saying such things. She loves us, and us her... even if she is straight!
--
http://www.myspace.com/melissamartine
Yeah, but how hot?
I agree with most peeps here when they say that Selma was just being modest.
Also, please find another reason to include Selma Blair in an entry soon. I love that black and white shot of her. I'm not being sarcastic because you've used it before. I actually think it's a fab photo. How cute is she?
I hope the new "Kath and Kim" turns out as funny as the Aussie one...