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StuntDouble

by StuntDouble

Place your bets for next week's "Gossip Girl" threesome

There's a ménage à trois going down on next week's Gossip Girl, and it involves three of these people:

(Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep the van der Humphs from colliding on that chart?)

The CW has been hyping the threesome (Sweeps-some?) for weeks now, leaking bogus spoilers to counter the actual spoilers. Every entertainment site is predicting potential groupings, but there's no site more dedicated to girls kissing than us, so you know we've got to weigh in.

Step One: Process of elimination.

If we take out the characters who have been written off to Belarus (or similar), here's what what we're left with:

If we then take out the characters who are involved in Jenny's cotillion storyline, here's what we've got:

Now, we'll get rid of any women in committed relationships with Vanya the doorman, and we're down to six:

Step Two: Toss out any groupings that involve the van der Humph kids shagging one another, or Blair touching her lips to any body part of any person from Brooklyn.

Step Three: Predict the odds of the remaining couples.

Grouping: Chuck/Blair/Serena
Why it's possible:
Blair and Serena are so obviously in love that it's almost comical at this point. Blair could play the "keep my sex life spicy" card and Serena could play the "been there done that with Georgina card." That way, they could pretend the threesome is something other than what it actually is (a chance for them to finally just do it). Chuck could play the "I'm Chuck Bass" card, because he loves both of them enough to pretend to be smarmy about it. Besides, in 15 years, this will be their standard Friday night. (I know Serena and Chuck are technically related by marriage/adoption now, but it's not like they share a long-lost brother from Boston or anything.)
Odds of threesome:
1:150

Grouping: Chuck/Blair/Olivia
Why it's possible:
Blair still thinks she's angry at Serena because Serena shoved her face in Trip van der Bilt's Congress Cake (when, in fact, she's angry at Serena because she feels like she's losing her), so this is Blair's chance to sleep with a legitimately famousblonde and rub it in S's face. Chuck's on board because he wants to make Blair happy. And Olivia? Well, maybe she's had enough of Bathroom Boy.
Odds of threesome:
1:250

Grouping: Serena/Vanessa/Olivia
Why it's possible:
This is probably the least likely grouping because if Serena and Blair are courageous/drunk enough to entangle Olivia in their game of repressive love, they're courageous/drunk enough to go back to Blair's place and finally give in to it.
Odds of threesome:
1:1,000

Grouping: Vanessa/Chuck/Dan
Why it's possible:
Chuck slept with Vanessa (twice) last year, and he obviously boned Dan the night Dan wrote that Charlie Trout story in prison. Maybe people from Brooklyn make love like an ugly girl. (So present, so grateful.) And maybe Chuck's had it with Blair being a pillow queen. And maybe Dan and Vanessa are stoned out of their minds? Yeah, there's no way this grouping is going to happen.
Odds of threesome:
1:1,000,000

Grouping: Vanessa/Dan/Olivia
Why it's possible:
If Vanessa isn't bisexual, I'm Kermit the Frog. And she's always been weirdly obsessed with Dan. Olivia is just looking to have a "normal college experience" and she's so clueless that anyone could convince her a threesome is normal. Dan, of course, believes in the "One set of boobs, good. Two sets of boobs, better!" theory oflovin'. Plus, the three of them are overly-fond of rooftop ragers and they're already playing happy family in Olivia and Vanessa's dorm room.
Odds of threesome:
1:10

Place your bets for the threesome Sweeps-some in the comments!

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  • Luna's picture

    The Hooker, Chuck and

    The Hooker, Chuck and Blair.

     

     

    -I speak in random thoughts

    sandra's picture

    I don't watch GG...

    but I'd watch the ep if the threesome involves Blair and Serena.. still, I'm guessing it won't.. let's hope I'm wrong, tho..
    Hornito's picture

    Sorry

    I gotta go Tripp, his wife and Serena ALL THE WAY.  Maybe even twice.
    scotchandthreat's picture

    I agree.

    I agree.
    Yue's picture

    Same, I agree =P or Vanesa

    Same, I agree =P

    or Vanesa / Olivia / Dan

    AnnaRG's picture

    hilary duff?

    since when is Hilary Duff on Gossip Girl? i also dont' watch the show, but if her character is anything like Lizzie Mcguire, i may have to start tuning in.
    Silly Alex's picture

    yes !

    lol not going to lie, the hookers really hot...and the way blair asked to hang out with her, my jaw dropped. No one straight talks like that! wtf?
    lesbianmale's picture

    blair and serena

    my vote is for the 2 hottest girls on the show
    spashley20's picture

    "been there done that with

    "been there done that with Georgina card."  did serena ever actually do anything with georgina?!
    Pam's picture

    Another option to consider...

    My preference would be to screw the threesome idea and just devote the full episode to Blair/Serena action.

    But since THAT's not gonna happen (except in my mind :)), I would love to see a steamy Serena-Blair-Vanessa threesome.  Forget the boys!

    In reality, it will probably be Dan-Olivia-Vanessa.  Not my pick, but oh well....

     

     

     

    xblondykebarx's picture

    OMG!!

    Blair-Serena-Vanessa

     

    MY HEAD WOULD EXPLODE!!!!

     

    too bad that it would never happen lol

     

    Dan is so boring. If there has to be a guy, I'd rather it be Chuck with S and B.

    Jane ;)'s picture

    sorry to burst yur bubble

    sorry to burst yur bubble but its gonna be with dan and S&B arent gonna be in it =[

    blair/serena/vanessa... that is like extremely doubtful. but hey, can we not have high hopes? and yes id much rather it be with chuck, S&B. even though i find dan much more attractive than chuck. unfortunately its with Dan, vanessa, and olivia. at least they are all good looking even though S&B have the real attraction and would make more sense.

    zayante's picture

    Definitely Serena, the

    Definitely Serena, the Congressman, and wife. That's the only pairing with built-up sexual tension that won't totally ruin the core relationships (too much...).

     

    A threesome with Eric, Jonathan, and anyone would also be totally awesome. 

    Pam's picture

    Please, No!!!!

    I keep hearing the Serena, Congressman Tripp V. and his wife.  You could be right, but, ugh, I hope not!

    I can see Serena with the Congressman, but why would she do his wife, too? (who seems like she is a nutcase btw).

    If Serena is in the 3some, Blair better be involved!!!!!!!!

    I know, I know.... not gonna happen :( 

     

     

    avalaurent's picture

    Yeah, it's a waste of a threesome!

    I'm almost positive it will be Olivia/Dan/Vanessa.  Olivia can't stay on the show forever and this will be the perfect mistake to ruin her relationship with Dan, followed by the super-awkward plotline of Vanessa in love with Dan and his older brother.

    For once, I'm hoping a tv show is light on the lesbian action.  The less Olivia/Vanessa we see, the more likely we'll get a Blair/Serena interaction in the future. 

    Yeah, and what's with the Tripp/Serena foreshadowing-gross!  I guess it works if they want her to make more horrible decisions.  I think we're supposed to be ok with him cheating since his wife is grimey, but he doesn't know that, and Serena certainly doesn't. 

    Jane ;)'s picture

    Wants it to be with S&B, but its not...=[

    First of all let me just start off by saying that I hope its not between two guys and a girl because anyway you put it, that would be an akward combo. The only guys we have are nate, chuck, dan, mr. humphrey, carter and josh. Yes, Dan and Mr.Humphrey were purposely put next to each other. see what I am talking about? Akward!

    Next thing Im going to say is yes, it would extremely awesome if Blair and Serena were in it. I mean their sexual tension is so palpable, there just has to be something there. I dont care who the guy is but throw in them two girls and that would be hot! Yet, this is highly doubtful, especially since they both want to rip each others hair out. (okay a cat fight would be hott too, but thats not what we are talking about)

    Despite the hotness that would come from Serena and Blair, my prediction is Dan/Vanessa/Olivia. I guess that isn't too bad because Dan is hott, Vanessa is hott and Olivia is hott, so i guess that would make the combo (pauses for dramatic effect)hott! Besides, Vanessa kind of gives off this bisexual vibe, and she stated in earlier episodes in previous season that her sister is a lesbian...so....You got that going for them. Also, Olivia wants to live a "normal college life." What exactly is normal in college life, except experimenting with lesbianism/bisexualism and threesomes of course?

    Okay, now onto the "spoilers." Alright, don't flag me. They aren't spoilers. Its just things that I have heard. The only possible combos for this threesome are Chuck/Blair/Nate, Chuck/Blair/Josh, Nate/Bree/Carter, Serena/Carter/Georgina, Serena/Dan/Blair, Vanessa/Dan/Olivia, and Georgina/Dan/Olivia. This is according to a very legit source.

    Now, from these sources there is some other information that has been said about the coupling. 1. it is stated that one of the o so willing participants (okay i made up the o so willing part, but anyways) is someone you would not guess. This person has a wholesome and fairly pure image. Lizzie McGuire anyone? so that throws Olivia in there with two possible combinations: Vanessa/Dan/Olivia or Georgina/Dan/Olivia 2. the next thing stated that skanky (yet scrumptitliumptious) Georgiana is NOT apart of the threesome. (damn! we want the skanky bitch back)What is left? DING DING DING. we have a winner: Vanessa/Dan/Olivia.

    Other interesting thing about this "OM3" its gonna be in a pizza place...? this could be wrong especially since we heard its going to be in a bed...unless...there is a bed in a pizza place? 

    Maybe we can petition to get S&B together? anyone?

     

    SinSanity's picture

    Michelle Trachtenberg

    http://justjared.buzznet.com/2008/03/26/gossip-girl-michelle-trachtenber...

    this might clue us to something. shes wearing quite a bit of leather here XP

    Jane ;)'s picture

    you do realize that those

    you do realize that those pics are from last season and that Georgina Sparks isnt on the show anymore. at least not for now and I have a hunch that she wont be coming back at least for this season... or not til the end...besies im like 99.9% positive that the threesome is between olivia/vanessa/dan
    SinSanity's picture

    oops

    oops
    likebuttah's picture

    Hooookerrr

    I think it'll be Serena (post-drinks) with Tripp & Blair's new bff the Hooker named Brandeis, in the hotel (with a candlestick).

    Gossip Girl was enigmatically mentioning some lines being crossed while showing Serena & Tripp laughing and sipping on some 'tini's. The blonde little 'escort' wasn't far away and likes congressmen... probably shiny new ones especially.

    SubtextRules's picture

    Say what???

    Damn, a girl misses two shows and the hetero world is turned upside down. God it's a great day to be a dyke! But focus SR, focus. Let's see here, who do I think will be bumping uglies x2?

    If there is a God then he would make it Blair, Serena, and Vanessa. Of course, if there is a God then he wouldn't wish death by way of heart failure on me so I highly doubt this triangle will ever form.

    I can't see Hilary Duff going gay for pay people, the cards just don't stack up that way. Granted, I do think good old Hil and Jessica (chick who plays Vanessa) have good chemistry.

    And I do not want to see Michelle T. doing the nasty with anyone let along participating in a threesome. I'm sorry people, but she will forever be Hariet the Spy to me. Just too weird. And since she is the one I don't want to see, I'm guessing she will probably have something to do with it. Let's just say I'll be carrying the remote with me all night for protection. 

    Don't see any of the males partaking in a three some with another guy so let's just rule that out right now. THANK YOU JEEBUS!

    In all honesty, I could see it being either Chuck, Blair, and the whore, Trip, Serena, and the wifey, or Georgina and the latest toys she's acquired. I really really really hope the writers are smart and make it someone we all want to see...ie Blake or Leighton.

    "Mother Chucker!" - Blair, Gossip Girl

    Luna's picture

    Odd I would always remeber

    Odd I would always remeber Michelle Trachtenberg as Dawn from Buffy.

     

    -I speak in random thoughts

    SubtextRules's picture

    Say what...part deux

    Damn, I got so excited about this I double-posted. Eh sorry about that.
    boltfromtheblue's picture

    mmm...yummy subtext and ust

    I want chuck, blair, and the hooker, with some angsty subtextual dialogue about s. maybe even an aaccidental name drop, or chuck just flat out going, "you've got the wrong blonde." lol. that would be awesomesauce.
    broken.harp's picture

    can it.

     just be, Blair, Serena, and Vanessa??

    PLEASEEE!!!!

    -calvary come, calvary go, calvary leave me alone..

    xoxo's picture

    haha

    "Blair and Serena are so obviously in love that it's almost comical at this point."

     Errmmmm, don't know bout you but this is one of the main reasons I watch it!

     

    roc's picture

    hmmm

    Dan, his ego and his Pulitzer? He can watch himself then write about it. Sexy...

    Stunt, girl, you're on it as always:) 

    April's picture

    Children you need analyze the evidence

    Firstly look closely at the trailer.

    a) The 'boy' is being undressed by two pairs of FEMALE hands... hence its a girl-boy-girl threesome. 

    b) The 'boy' is wearing a plated shirt... which character wears a plated shirt? easy answer: Dan

    c) Notice that in the trailer Dan, Vanessa and Olivia are doing Tequila shots... hence getting drunk out of their minds and getting back to their shared "room" things happen.

    Another thing to note about the rumors stating the Trip-Serena-Wife scenerio, remember the wife had said that she will do anything to help Trip win. Why on earth would she have a 3some with Serena? Serena will have sex with Trip, but not in these circumstances. I doubt Trip is gonna be caught wearing plated shirts. 

    Look at the trailer people, the important part is the boy, not the girls, anyone can wear a green dress, but can anyone wear a plated shirt and be undone by two women?

    :)

    Jane ;)'s picture

    damn i swear i looked at the

    damn i swear i looked at the trailer like 5 gagillion times and i still couldnt see the plaid shirt u were talking about... can you send me the link or something to the one you saw and the part where u see the shirt. either im not seeing it or we are watching two different trailers. Ohh and i know that the threesome is between Dan/Vanessa/Olivia
    April's picture

    look again :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChMTBqIEpHU

    stop it at 0:14 right after Dan, Olivia and Vanessa down their tequila shots. 

    Jane ;)'s picture

    o haha thanks =] i just

    o haha thanks =] i just thought that was part of the bedding until i realized their was a hand going down unbottoning the shirt. lol. i know its gonna be Dan/Vanessa/Olivia because of my snooping too but you must got a good eye. lol thanks again. =]
    touchofpink's picture

    My guess is between Dan,

    My guess is between Dan, Olivia and Serena or Dan, Olivia and Vanessa.  Either way I can't wait to find out!

    Luna's picture

    Jenny Humphrey and her two

    Jenny Humphrey and her two fallowers get super frisky during an intense pellow fight and so one thing lead to another kiss, kiss, bang, bang! 

     

    -I speak in random thoughts

    Teenie's picture

    I could die a happy woman!!

    CHUCK, Blair, and Vanessa 

    *Peace & <3

     

    SubtextRules's picture

    I think we can rule out Chuck...

    I've heard many confirmations that this three's company will not involve Blair and Chuck. And for obvious reasons. They've practically neutered Chuck and Blair is just not that kind of girl. The show may be struggling for new ideas, but for the most part their leads have remained in tact.

    My money is on Dan, Vanessa, and Georgina. I still can't see Hilary Duff going gay for pay. Of course if she does, I can only imagine the massive thuds heard round the world. Oh how I would kill to see so many people's expressions over a former Disney Diva muff diving on major television. That my friends is like a hug from baby Jesus. 

    "Mother Chucker!" - Blair, Gossip Girl

    April's picture

    :P

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA

    if lizzie can go lesbo.

    Only god knows what will happen to Miley...