I'm not normally a jealous person. I took the lessons I learned in kindergarten to heart and have no problem sharing my toys. But, after seeing the cover of the December issue of Vanity Fair featuring Kate Winslet, I found the green-eyed monster rearing its head in the most unexpected of places. Like at inanimate objects. Damn, some jackets have all the luck.

Insane jealously over inanimate objects aside, I think we can all agree that Kate looks divine or, as the magazine quipped, “Deneuvely.” If you're tempted to think Kate doesn’t look entirely like Kate, that's the point. The photo shoot was a recreation of Catherine Deneuve's character from the 1967 French film Belle de Jour, about a housewife who escapes her ennui by moonlighting as a high-priced prostitute. Yeah, I don't know why they picked that film either, but I am happy to see its results.

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Kate Winslet’s Revolutionary Road has garnered a lot of press recently because it marks her on-screen reunion with Titanic co-star, Leonardo DiCaprio. But, frankly, I am much more intrigued by Winslet’s other upcoming film, The Reader.

Based on Bernhard Schlink’s bestseller, The Reader stars Winslet as Hanna Schmitz, a German woman who helps a 15-year-old boy, Michael Berg, get home when he becomes very ill on his way home from school one day. Once he recovers, Michael finds Hanna to thank her and the two embark on an affair. Good manners can be very rewarding.

The two get closer when Michael learns how much Hanna loves being read to. Personally, I’d be a little too distracted to read in a tub with Kate Winslet, but such is the stuff of fiction. … continue reading

What happens when the suburban dissatisfaction of American Beauty meets the stylized cool of Mad Men as played by the world's favorite bow-straddling couple? You get something that ends up looking a whole lot like the trailer for Revolutionary Road.

The film reunites doomed Titanic lovebirds Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio for the first time since an inconvenient iceberg marred their happy ending 11 years ago. Oscar-winning American Beauty director Sam Mendes helms this look at the underbelly of the American dream based on the acclaimed 1961 novel by Richard Yates.

Set in the 1950s, the film has Kate and Leo play a young married couple living in the Connecticut suburbs who find themselves boxed in by the weight of societal expectations. Their successful exterior — big home, two kids — belies internal frustrations with their work and the dreams they once had for their futures. … continue reading

Lancôme, Chanel, Estée Lauder ... sacrebleu! With so many French words floating around the makeup counters these days, aren’t you glad that we have the familiar faces of celebrities to help sort them out? Thanks to them, I can easily distinguish Trésor de Lancôme from Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle by simply asking myself, “Do I want to smell like Kate Winslet or Keira Knightley today?” Everyday it’s a toss up.

Lately it has become more chic for celebrities to promote their own brand of stink, rather than promote a designer perfume (e.g., Celine Dion, J. Lo, Britney). But now some new pitch women have been added to high-end fragrances’ ad campaigns and thank goodness for that — it’s reassuring to know that our old favorite smells still have star power.

Recently, it was announced that Nicole Kidman, who was the face of Chanel No. 5, had been replaced by the adorable French actress Audrey Tautou, who will always be Amélie to me despite her other successful films (Dirty Pretty Things, Happenstance, The Da Vinci Code). Tautou will become the Chanel spokesmodel in early 2009, with a debut commercial helmed by her Amélie director, Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Déjà vu! Chanel's tribute to great directors and their actors began with Nicole Kidman working on her ad campaign with Moulin Rouge director Baz Luhrmann. … continue reading

It seems like every time I think an actress is particularly gorgeous, someone in Hollywood decides to tell her she’s too fat.

A case in point: up-and-coming British actress Hayley Atwell, whose projects this year include the Woody Allen film Cassandra’s Dream (out in the U.K. on May 9), the Keira Knightley flick The Duchess (out in the U.K. on August 29, and the U.S. on September 12) and the big-screen adaptation of Evelyn Waugh’s novel Brideshead Revisited (out in the U.S. on July 25, and the U.K. on September 23). Now, I don’t know about you, but Atwell looks pretty perfect to me:

But apparently Miramax Films (the studio behind the new adaptation of Brideshead) didn’t think so. According to U.K. website The First Post, Atwell has reported that she was asked by the film company to lose weight for her role as Julia Flyte. It was only when co-star Emma Thompson (who will play Lady Marchmain) heard the news that things got resolved:

Says Atwell: "I went round to Emma's one night and she was getting very angry that I wasn't eating all the food she was giving me. I told her why and she hit the roof." The no-nonsense Thompson was so outraged that she called the producers the next day and threatened to resign from the film if they forced Atwell to lose weight. Faced with Thompson — a two-time Oscar winner — on the warpath, Miramax Films swiftly relented.’ … continue reading

Olivia Wilde is going to play Jack Black’s love interest in the new biblical-times comedy The Year One. I am going to let the full weight of that news sink in while you stare at a picture of Olivia. Please, take your time. I’ll wait.

And, for comparison, here is Jack Black.

OK, now side by side.

So, yeah, what’s wrong with this picture? God, could there be a better example of the schlubby guy/hottie girl formula that has become the on-screen Hollywood couple du jour? I’ve railed (and railed) against these pairings for what seems like forever now. It’s not just the aesthetic that bothers me. Heaven knows a book is more, so much more, than its cover. But it’s the inequity of this equation that infuriates me. Where are the schlubby girl/hottie guy movies? And, since we’re dreaming big, how about the schlubby girl/hottie girl flicks? … continue reading

The shine isn’t even off the 2008 Academy Awards yet, but I say on to 2009! What? No point dwelling in the past. While it’s still an entire year until the next set of statuettes gets handed out, it’s never too early to be totally wrong with your Academy Award predictions. Here’s a quick look at 10 upcoming projects that caught my eye and maybe, possibly, with any luck, might catch Oscar’s eye as well.

The Argentine/Guerilla: An ambitious two-film project by Steven Soderbergh about Latin American revolutionary Che Guevara, starring Benicio Del Toro, Franka Potente, Benjamin Bratt and Catalina Sandino Moreno. Viva la revolucion!

Australia: Moulin Rouge maestro Baz Luhrmann returns with an epic love story set during World War II, about an English aristocrat (Nicole Kidman) who teams with a ranch hand (Hugh Jackman) to herd cattle across the outback. Sounds like Far and Away meets City Slickers. I kid, I kid.

Burn After Reading: All you need to know is Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand and John Malkovich in a political comedy-thriller about top-secret CIA information falling into the wrong hands — and it's directed by the Coen brothers. Yes, please.

The Changeling: Angelina Jolie may get her 2008 Oscar snub revenge with this Clint Eastwood–directed Prohibition-era thriller about a woman whose kidnapped son is returned, but he could be the wrong child. Clint has been money when it comes to Oscar nominations these past few years, so Angelina, start thinking up a snappy speech. … continue reading

There’s a half-funny, half-embarrassing story concerning me and women on the cover of magazines. It involves the year 1998, a newsagent, Denise Richards, a copy of FHM, and my firm insistence — to a male friend of mine who happened across me browsing — that I didn’t realize FHM was a men’s magazine. I think he believed me ... just about.

Nevertheless, for most of my teen years I didn’t dare to cast more than a furtive eye in the direction of the men’s magazine section. Fortunately, they’re not the only magazines to feature lots of glamorous women. In fact, one of my favorite magazine covers was from around the same period as the FHM fiasco, in 1997:

Now, I couldn’t care less about Cameron Diaz, but Kate Winslet and Claire Danes in the same frame? Be still, my beating teenage Titanic- and My So-Called Life–loving heart!

What I didn’t realize at the time was that this cover was part of what has become an annual series for Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue, by a rather well-known photographer named Annie Leibovitz. VanityFair.com is currently running a retrospective of these foldout covers (which typically entice you in with three beautiful women on the front, and then open out to reveal about seven more). That means you can time-travel all the way back to the first one in 1995:

Um. Yes. Normally I think that the expression “legs for days” is an exaggeration, but in the case of Uma Thurman (pictured second from left), it might actually be true. And I’m not even going to get started on that picture of Nicole Kidman.

Also online is the latest cover, for 2008: … continue reading

One night last week, Gladiator was showing on TV. I used to love that movie — in fact, I think I owned it at one point — but I realized something this time around. I didn't want to see the ending, Connie Nielsen notwithstanding.

(Speaking of whom, watching Gladiator did make me wonder what she's been up to, aside from guesting on Law and Order: SVU a while back. Turns out, she appears in Battle in Seattle with Michelle Rodriguez and Charlize Theron. Yet another reason to try to see that movie.)

Then, over the weekend, my girlfriend rented a few movies. One of them I haven't exactly avoided, but haven't been dying to see: 300. I know, I know, Lena Headey. Period costume works for her, but somehow I just couldn't get worked up about a movie that could realistically be called More Than 300 Really Horrible, Bloody Awful Ways to Die.

So what did this make me realize? (Besides that my girlfriend really, really loves sword-and-sandal movies? To the point where we wrestled over the remote?) It's not the violence (although I admit the over-the-top spraying blood of BloodRayne made me queasy. Possibly that was the acting). No, it's the fact that sometimes if I know the ending to a movie up front, I don't see the point in sitting through it. … continue reading

Yesterday ... er, two days ago (see, I'm still in a post-holiday fog), I posted the first half of what I watched over the break. Here's the rest.

8. Little Children

As a Kate Winslet fan, I was really looking forward to this one. But by the end, I was disappointed and even a little annoyed. The characters seem to create their own problems and not really learn anything from their experiences. And I'm not sure Winslet was the right choice for the role — not that I minded seeing her naked!

Here's a clip of Winslet shocking the other moms at the playground: … continue reading

Over the holidays, I went to a very special place: smack dab in front of my TV. Yeah, fine, I already spend a lot of time there. But rarely do I get to spend hours and hours of quality time with the DVR. Pure bliss. And when I did leave the apartment, I went to the movies. Even more bliss!

So because I'm still in a fog of TV- and film-induced joy, the most I can manage to do today is reflect on those days of uninterrupted entertainment.

(Note: I did do some reading, too. I finished Away by Amy Bloom, which was just OK, and I plowed through a pile of magazines. There; now I feel slightly better about my couch potato tendencies.)

1. Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Practically perfect in every way. I've loved the score for a long time, especially "Johanna" and "Pretty Women." But the recent Broadway show (starring Patti LuPone) was a huge disappointment. So I'm thrilled that Tim Burton got it exactly right and did justice to Sondheim's genius. "A Little Priest" — aka the song-and-dance number with cleaver and rolling pin — is awesome. … continue reading

Last weekend, I stumbled across a strange little movie that is likely not playing at a theater near you. (Unless you live in New York. Then it's playing at the Quad Cinema.) The movie, Romance and Cigarettes, was written and directed by John Turturro and has what may be the best ensemble cast in the history of weird little independent movies.

James Gandolfini plays the lead, and his odd best friend is Steve Buscemi. His wife is Susan Sarandon.

His girlfriend is Kate Winslet. … continue reading

For Sale: The perfectly proportioned posterior of one Kate Winslet. The delectable derrière will go to the highest bidder. I know, you’re seriously considering draining your bank account, selling your car and taking out a loan. I’m already there. Also, I hear kidneys go for a lot on the open market. What? I have two.

But, like any sensible buyer, you want to carefully research the merchandise before purchase. Kick the tires and take it for a test drive, so to speak. Well, of course. Kate is a very reasonable woman and she totally understands. Lean in close and she’ll give you a sneak peek. Closer. A little bit closer. … continue reading

Every wonder what your favorite star would look like as a work of art? Or a Japanese animation? Or a baby? Or an apeman? (Well, hopefully you haven’t wondered too much about the latter, ’cause that’s just weird and makes me think I shouldn’t sit next to you on the subway.) As for the rest, wonder no more. The Face Transformer is here to help you slack off at work find the answers. Answers to questions like, “What would Salma Hayek look as painted by Alfons Mucha?

Much like the insanely addictive MorphThing.com, The Face Transformer lets you manipulate famous faces. You can choose from more than a dozen options, ranging from different ages to races to painting styles and, yes, ape features. I stayed away from the racial and simian choices in favor of art and age. The results were alternately fun, freaky and down-right frightening.

Lucy Lawless by Amedeo Modigliani: Fierce, I’d hang that on my wall.

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In this week's video blog, Lori and I discuss the cinematic women who've saved the world from impending doom — because nothing's hotter than a woman who chases tornadoes, electrocutes evil sharks, or creates a lot of complicated mathematical charts and graphs!

Since not everyone's as big of a disaster movie nut as Lori is, we're giving you a video cheat-sheat on the disaster movies with the best female leads: Saffron Burrows creates the perfect killing machine and then tries to undo it in Deep Blue Sea, Hilary Swank goes on a mission to jump-start the earth's motor in The Core, Vivica Fox rescues the First Lady from an alien attack in Independence Day, Shelley Winters does some deep-sea diving in Poseidon Adventure, Kim Delaney saves California from falling into the ocean in 10.5 and 10.5 Apocalypse, Kate Winslet floats in Titanic, and Anne Heche and Linda Hamilton duck lava bombs in Volcano and Dante's Peak.

All while slinging witty one-liners and sporting just the right kind of sexy mussy hairdo! (Um, them, not us - although we do make sarcastic comments in our vlog, and Lori does occasionally have a whisp of hair out of place.)

Because we've upgraded our software, we now have nifty new theme music! You'll also be happy to know the snarky captions are back; unfortunately, the new video editing software doesn't come with a spell-checker, so you'll notice a few typos. But life's too short to do it all over just because Hilary Swank insists on spelling her name with only one "l". (Although I don't have an excuse for leaving the "i" out of "premiere", except I had that old saying "there's no 'I' in "team" stuck in my head. You can blame my basketball coach for that.)

Besides commentary on the movies, you'll also learn about how I narrowly escaped a tornado in Fargo, North Dakota; why Lori believes mentoring is important even in the face of world annihilation; and why we're both hoping we're in New York when Mt. Rainier finally blows.

Watch the vlog here now! … continue reading