Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds tied the knot in a quiet little wedding last weekend. Both of the actors’ publicists confirmed that the intimate ceremony took place at a secluded resort in Reynolds’ native Vancouver. The two had been dating since 2007 and announced their engagement in May.

Johansson had been quoted as saying she wanted her wedding to be a private affair, so the sneakiness doesn’t come as a huge surprise. But even if the event itself was secret, we all know about it now and should therefore feel free to put in our two cents.

So in that spirit, I offer you the following imagined responses to the big news:

Alanis Morissette: So they went through with the whole wedding thing. Did it rain, by any chance?

Woody Allen: As I’ve said, Scarlett is “in no way my muse.” I am in no way affected by this wedding. My next screenplay will in no way feature a beautiful young actress who, dissatisfied with her marriage to some blockhead hunk, begins an affair with a charmingly neurotic writer and eventually leaves her husband to be with him. … continue reading

To me, the only thing as sexy as a great writer is a great reader. Finding a great writer who also is a great reader is, well, heavenly.

My love of books knows no bounds. When I’m feeling blue, I head for the bookstore and, if I’m lucky enough to have a few extra bucks, I leave with a brand new book in hand, ready to transport me from my gloom to a world designed by a writer’s imagination.

Last year, we introduced you to First Book, an incredible organization with the mission to give low-income kids their very first new books. First Book’s annual awareness campaign, “What Book Got You Hooked?” is underway and you can participate by sharing the memory of the book that introduced you to the joy of reading. You can also discover which titles are beloved by some of your favorite authors and celebrities.

Diva Patti LaBelle’s favorite book since childhood is Heidi: “It’s so thoughtful, yet simple enough for a child to understand.”

For Scarlett Johansson, the love for books began when her sister read to her from Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl: “Every night she would read me a new chapter. I loved it so much that I made her start over again right after we completed it!” … continue reading

Take a look at these women:

OK. Now please take a look at the title of their new film: He’s Just Not That Into You. Um, hello, disconnect. Ah, men – they’re a conundrum we here at AfterEllen.com are only too happy to leave to our more heterosexually-inclined sisters. … continue reading

I recently saw a trailer for a small British movie that is due out this June called Miss Conception. This film has all the makings of your typical British comedy: There's driving on the wrong side of the road, people drinking tea … Mia Kirshner and Heather Graham. Crikey! Mia and Heather are British? Well, no. But if I didn't have it on good authority (via a quick trip to Google) that Ms. Graham was born in Wisconsin and Ms. Kirshner was born in Canada, I could see how an unsuspecting person would think that they were in fact from across the pond just by watching the trailer.

A millisecond into the preview, we hear both Mia and Heather sporting fairly impressive faux-English accents. It is obvious to those of us in the entertainment know (or those who have access to Google) that these women are faking it and are actually from North America, but that knowledge aside — do you find their accents believable?

Judging their entire performance based on this 60-second trailer, I can make the dubious claim that they both did a pretty good job. I couldn't pinpoint what region of England they're pretending to be from, but then again I'm not a linguist and never wished to be one, so I'll leave those little details to the experts.

The shock of hearing Jenny Schecter speak with an accent got me thinking: Who else in the movie biz has mastered the art of British speak? If blindfolded and left only to depend on sound, which actors would dupe me into thinking I was talking to a gal from jolly olde England? … continue reading

Last week, Scarlett Johansson released the music video for her first single, "Falling Down." It's off her upcoming debut album, Anywhere I Lay My Head, due out May 20. The song is ... how should I say this? I respect her … it's an interesting … she's trying something … fine, it's boring. There, I said it. Boring. Dull. Blah.

But look, don't take my word for it. See for yourself. Though, please be warned: I strongly advise against operating heavy equipment while listening, because contents may cause drowsiness.

Hello, coma. Also, what the hell, Salman Rushdie?

Now, I must commend Scarlett for taking her music debut in an entirely unexpected direction. This isn't your typical actress-turned-singer offering of slick, radio-ready pop pap. This is an entire album of Tom Waits cover songs. Clearly, this ain't no ScarJo on the Block. … continue reading

When I first saw this headline, "Emma Watson replaces 'old' Johansson," my first thought was that I was about to get my feminist on in a major way. I mean, is this what we've come to in Hollywood? Scarlett Johansson, at the age of 23, is considered too old to star in a romance?

Photo credit: Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

As it turns out, though, the casting change is at least a bit better justified than I originally thought. The film in which Watson is now set to star is called Napoleon and Betsy, and the role she will play is based on a real-life figure.

Photo credit: Dave Hogan/Getty Images (Watson)

Lucia Elizabeth "Betsy" Balcombe was 13 or 14 years old in 1815 when the exiled French emperor Napoleon was brought to live on her father's estate on the British island of St. Helena. The girl and the captive emperor struck up a friendship that would last three years until 1818 when the Balcombes moved to Australia.

Betsy later wrote a memoir of her time with Napoleon, published in modern times as To Befriend an Emperor: Betsy Balcombe's Memoirs of Napoleon on St. Helena. There's also a novelization of the story for younger readers, by American writer Staton Rabin.

What seems to have been added to the story for the film version, though, is an element of romance between Betsy and Napoleon. Since Napoleon, historically, would have been 46 when he first met Betsy, I'm assuming that they're going to update her age to about 18 or 19 (at least, I hope they are, because otherwise … ew. And even so … well, still kind of ew).

Of course, if Napoleon isn't "too old" at 46, you might ask why Johansson has to be considered "too old" at 23 if the story's going to be fictionalized anyway, but … well, that's Hollywood for you. … continue reading

It doesn't always go well when actors decide to sing or singers decide to act — well, the latter is often just fine, but the former can be disastrous. (I've mentioned my Lisa Whelchel album before ... it's seriously awful!) But in the cases of Scarlett Johansson and Zooey Deschanel, the swapping of scripts for songs might turn out to be just fine.

Oops, I guess I've made it look like they're singing duets or something. No; these are separate albums. Too bad — they could have called their first release ScarZo Sings!

Deschanel's first collaboration with indie fave M. Ward, under the name She & Him, was released this week. Zooey has a musical past — she plays the banjo — and the reviews are mostly positive so far. Says BlogCritics.org, "I wouldn't have thought it possible, but Deschanel sounds as cute as she looks."

Zooey wrote nine of the songs on the album. You can stream all of Volume One from the Merge Records site. My favorite so far is "Sweet Darlin'." … continue reading

In case you haven't heard, Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson are in a movie together. I've seen so many promos and articles and trailers and interviews related to The Other Boleyn Girl, I'm a little weary and don't know if I'll even see the film, which opens today.

But the Los Angeles Times' recent "Scarlett versus Natalie" photo gallery gave the hype machine a different twist. Each photo is accompanied by facts on a particular topic (like horses, muses or education), and then a winner is declared in that area — like this:

Muses

George Lucas turned Portman into a full-fledged international star when he cast her as Padme Amidala, the woman who would become the mother of Luke and Leia, in the “Star Wars” prequel trilogy.

Woody Allen has fallen under the spell of Johansson, casting her in “Match Point,” “Scoop” and the upcoming “Vicky Cristina Barcelona,” in which she reportedly has a steamy sex scene with Penelope Cruz.

"Scarlett is just a naturally great actress,” Allen has stated. ”She can do no wrong and is incapable of a bad moment. She’s very sexy, very pretty. She was just touched by God."

Winner: Johansson. Although “Star Wars” made Portman a household name, Allen is a far better director than Lucas, who seems ill at ease directing humans.

Well, fine, but Allen puts me ill at ease with his daughter-marrying ways, so I'm not sure ScarJo really wins on this point.

View the whole gallery here. One thing the Times doesn't mention is that both Scarlett and Natalie think same-sex marriage is A-OK. In a recent interview with W magazine, they spoke up on the subject: … continue reading

There’s a half-funny, half-embarrassing story concerning me and women on the cover of magazines. It involves the year 1998, a newsagent, Denise Richards, a copy of FHM, and my firm insistence — to a male friend of mine who happened across me browsing — that I didn’t realize FHM was a men’s magazine. I think he believed me ... just about.

Nevertheless, for most of my teen years I didn’t dare to cast more than a furtive eye in the direction of the men’s magazine section. Fortunately, they’re not the only magazines to feature lots of glamorous women. In fact, one of my favorite magazine covers was from around the same period as the FHM fiasco, in 1997:

Now, I couldn’t care less about Cameron Diaz, but Kate Winslet and Claire Danes in the same frame? Be still, my beating teenage Titanic- and My So-Called Life–loving heart!

What I didn’t realize at the time was that this cover was part of what has become an annual series for Vanity Fair’s Hollywood Issue, by a rather well-known photographer named Annie Leibovitz. VanityFair.com is currently running a retrospective of these foldout covers (which typically entice you in with three beautiful women on the front, and then open out to reveal about seven more). That means you can time-travel all the way back to the first one in 1995:

Um. Yes. Normally I think that the expression “legs for days” is an exaggeration, but in the case of Uma Thurman (pictured second from left), it might actually be true. And I’m not even going to get started on that picture of Nicole Kidman.

Also online is the latest cover, for 2008: … continue reading

For those of us in 24 American states, it’s Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Tuesday (hey, that’s nearly half the country; I think it deserves an upgrade from just “super”). Whichever way you pull the lever, today will be a historic vote. Well, unless you’re voting for that other party. In which case, have fun choosing an old white guy.

In the first presidential election of the YouTube era, the campaigns have gone viral from the start. Who can forget the Obama Girl or Hot4Hill? But in the past week, two of arguably the best videos for each candidate have emerged. One is sincere and inspirational (not to mention packed with star power), and the other is lighthearted and fun (not to mention Hill-arious). Both are, interestingly, music-based. And both are a reminder that, as difficult as the decision between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama may be for Democratic primary voters, it’s also an embarrassment of riches to have two strong, smart and special candidates on the ballot.

  … continue reading

I don't frequent Victoria's Secret stores. I don't watch those lame Victoria's Secret TV specials. I don't peruse the Victoria's Secret catalog and never have, not even when one of my college friends insisted it was the perfect study break.

So, fine; I didn't really expect to like the 2008 What Is Sexy? list, which was released by Victoria's Secret earlier today. But nor did I expect to be thoroughly confused by it. You've probably seen headlines about the most ridiculous one: Ryan Seacrest made the list for "sexiest smile." Ryan Seacrest? I think they must have accidentally copied and pasted from their What Is Icky? list.

But let's talk about the women on the list, starting with the one that really made me say "Whaaaaat?" in a Jill Bennett–esque way:

Sexiest Mom: Victoria Beckham

Uh. Did they mean Sexiest Person You Always Forget Is a Mom, Because, Really, Since When Can Mannequins Reproduce? I can think of many better candidates. Salma Hayek, for one.

Sexiest Actress: Eva Mendes … continue reading

Earlier this week, the British film magazine Empire, the biggest-selling of its niche in the U.K., published its “100 Sexiest Movie Stars” list. The list aims to represent “the most fanciable in film as voted by you” (can you hear the sexy British accent?).

Angelina Jolie took the No. 1 spot on the list, ahead of Brad Pitt, who came in 7th place. The top 100 included men and women, living and deceased.

Also making the list were Natalie Portman (No. 2), Jessica Alba (No. 4), Eva Green (No. 6), Scarlett Johansson (No. 8), Kiera Knightley (No. 9), Halle Berry (No. 12), Marilyn Monroe (No. 14), Jessica Biel (No. 16), Anne Hathaway (No. 18) and Kate Winslet (No. 20). I’ll stop now, because we do have to draw a line somewhere. … continue reading

We have so little mystery left in our lives. From 24-hour news channels that never rest to high-powered lenses that never blink and an Internet that never sleeps, no salacious detail goes undissected. No scandal goes unsalivated over. And no stone goes unturned — no matter how much we’d rather just let the moss grow. Which is why I’ve come to savor the few mysteries we have left. Why Mona Lisa was smiling. Where that other sock goes in the dryer. And what Bill Murray whispered into Scarlett Johansson’s ear at the end of Lost in Translation.

In that one sublime mumble, our imaginations took flight. In not knowing, his words remained perfect. In our mind’s ear, we heard whatever we wanted to hear. The beauty of the indecipherable is in its hope. Which I will now dash for you. … continue reading

Now that you know my deepest, darkest, most embarrassing bad movie weaknesses, how about we flip the equation? The cinematic canon is filled with “good movies” that for whatever reason I really can’t stand. While everyone else is raving, I’m left scratching my head. Be they Oscar contenders or box office champs, I’d still rather have my TV stuck on C-SPAN for a week than watch these again start to finish. Here's a look at some of my least favorite films through the years.

A Clockwork Orange (1971) — As iconic as this film is, it freaked the bejesus out of me. Should a movie be so disturbing you need therapy afterward? … continue reading