There aren't too many guarantees in life. You've got your death. Then taxes. And, finally, that Amy Sedaris will kill on the late-night talk shows.

So last week, when she stopped by comedian Chelsea Handler's E! talkfest, Chelsea Lately, I was expecting hijinks. I was not, however, expecting hijinks on this magnitude. Please, prepare yourself for designer replicas of the female anatomy, thumb tacks and unpleasant secretions.

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Praise be to the comedy gods! In the only news that matters more than the outcome of this country’s presidential election, Amy Sedaris is heading back to television! It’s true: The 47-year-old actress and author (as well as little sis to writer David Sedaris) will star in Gym Teacher: The Movie, airing September 12 on Nickelodeon.

Most of us first noticed Sedaris for her portrayal of boozer, user and loser Jerri Blank on Comedy Central’s nutty series Strangers With Candy. In Gym Teacher, she reunites with former Strangers co-star Paul Dinello, who directed the project. (For those of you who didn’t obsessively watch Strangers, Dinello played Mr. Jellineck, an art teacher who has a gay affair with Mr. Noblet, a social studies teacher played by the one and only Stephen Colbert.)

Gym Teacher finds Sedaris back in high school, but this time she plays the school’s kooky Principal Hoffman who’s crushing hard on a hunky gym teacher played by Law & Order: SVU’s Christopher Meloni. I don’t know about you, but I’m dying to see Detective Elliot Stabler in some crazy comic hijinks with Sedaris. … continue reading

Unfortunately, there are only a handful of national print magazines that are geared towards women that have little to do with finding and pleasing a man. Fortunately, one of those publications is Bust, a bi-monthly magazine for "women who have something to get off their chests." It's a little less political than Ms., and a little more pop culture-laden than Bitch, which is why it appeals to women that like to read something with substance (as well as pretty pictures!)

Responsible for both the words and said pretty pictures are Debbie Stoller and Laurie Henzel, the creators of the magazine who have been with it since day one, 15 years ago. Stoller serves as editor in chief, while Henzel is creative director. Together, they put together something that the New York Post calls "[a] sassy, sexy magazine — beloved by smart, loyal urbanites across the country."

I know, I know — the Post can't always be trusted. But honestly, there weren't too many places in the 1990s that you could find cover stories and candid interviews with intelligent women – it's hard enough now and we have the Internet at our disposal! But consider this: the mag's 15th anniversary issue has Amy Sedaris on the cover, coming out of a cake. Magical! … continue reading

NBC has unofficially announced the new Late Night host to succeed Conan O'Brien in 2009, and (surprise) it's not a woman. Jimmy Fallon has signed on to be O'Brien's replacement, while Conan will move up to 11:35 p.m. to replace Jay Leno, whose contract is expiring. Looks like this means NBC will be continuing the grand tradition of male hosts in their late-night lineup. Now if you would all grab your calculators, let's see what this brings our tally of females currently in late-night TV to: One.

That honor goes to Chelsea Handler, who has a 30-minute talk show on E!.

Handler is the only woman in television to host a night-time talk show at this time. A rare honor, Handler joins a very short list alongside Joan Rivers as being the only female comics to host a late-night show. If we take out our trusty calculators again and add these figures together, that brings our grand total to two female late-night talk show hosts. Ever. In the history of television. Two.

For whatever reason, networks seem to think that women are more funny to more people when the sun is out. Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres have both won multiple Emmy awards for their daytime talk shows and have an enormous audience base stretching across all demographics, yet their shows never air before dinner time. … continue reading

Who you calling unfunny? Vanity Fair took its sweet time, but after more than a year of letting the anvil of an essay “Why Women Aren’t Funny” weigh down the discourse, the magazine finally issued its own rebuttal with its April cover story, “Who Says Women Aren't Funny?” And to prove that point, it assembled some of the most sparkling female wits for a photoshoot with famed photographer Annie Leibovitz.

Yes, Amy Poehler appears to be grabbing Tina Fey’s boob. You really can’t argue with comedy genius like that. Answering the call to funny alongside them were Sandra Bernhard, Susie Essman, Jenna Fischer, Chelsea Handler, Leslie Mann, Maya Rudolph, Amy Sedaris, Sarah Silverman, Wanda Sykes and Kristen Wiig. I’m going to need a moment to soak in all this concentrated hilarious. Seriously, my sides are starting to hurt from phantom laughter just looking at them.

In response to (resisting the urge to use a profane adjective) columnist Christopher Hitchens’ decidedly unfunny article about why women are the unfunnier sex, New York Times TV critic Alessandra Stanley has penned a footnote-worthy essay that touches on everything from English novelist George Meredith to Virginia Woolf to tribes in Papua New Guinea. To which I say, sure, but where do the rubber chickens fit in? … continue reading

Funny woman Amy Sedaris has been gallivanting about Rhode Island this fall. Why? Because she's filming a new indie flick about boarding school life.

Sedaris was last heard as the voice of Cinderella in Shrek the Third. She was also recently seen in I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With. The new film, Tanner Hall, is written and directed by longtime friends Tatiana von Furstenberg and Francesca Gregorini.

Hmmm ... Gregorini. Where have I heard that name before? Oh, wait, I know. She was previously attached to the arm of a certain blonde actress. … continue reading

Last weekend, I stumbled across a strange little movie that is likely not playing at a theater near you. (Unless you live in New York. Then it's playing at the Quad Cinema.) The movie, Romance and Cigarettes, was written and directed by John Turturro and has what may be the best ensemble cast in the history of weird little independent movies.

James Gandolfini plays the lead, and his odd best friend is Steve Buscemi. His wife is Susan Sarandon.

His girlfriend is Kate Winslet. … continue reading

One of the most common traits people list in the "about me" section of their online profiles is "I like to laugh." Really? Gee, you're special!

Well, if you like to laugh, you'll want to catch Oxygen's 50 Funniest Women Alive countdown show, which premieres this Saturday night. The special will feature never-before-seen interviews and clips of hilarity from sitcom players, stand-ups, movie stars and sketch comedians such as Ellen Degeneres, Whoopi Goldberg, Mo'nique and Teri Hatcher.

Teri Hatcher? Uh, what? Was Kathy Lee Gifford not available?

Okay, Teri Hatcher is a fine actress - Desperate Housewives fans please stand down. But if we're talking about the top, the best of the best, I have to object. Other "funniest women" on the show (according to the website): Amanda Bynes, Regina King, Chelsea Handler. What? No Carol Burnett, Roseanne Barr, Kathy Najimy or Wanda Sykes?

Comedy has historically been the playground of men- any list of top comics (usually compiled by a man) is usually so bereft of women, you can count their names on one hand. I'd expect a better list from a women's network.

It's not clear whether Carol and Wanda made the cut-all 50 names aren't shown on the website. We can only hope.

Meanwhile, here are some of my picks, were it up to me.

What's the first thing you think of when you hear the word Shrek? Mike Myers? The somewhat confusing anti-obesity campaign? Female empowerment?

Crazy as that may sound, its stars argue that Shrek the Third offers some very positive images of women. And the film certainly features more female cast members than any other movie this side of Evening: Along with Cameron Diaz (who reprises her role as Fiona the ogre), Amy Sedaris, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and Cheri Oteri all voice characters. (Poehler plays Snow White, while Sedaris plays Cinderella — that's enough to get me laughing.)

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