Stick a fork in her: The Bionic Woman is done. What? She’s bionic; she’ll heal fast. Rumors of the show’s demise persisted for months, but its status remained in seemingly eternal limbo, thanks to the writers' strike. While NBC has yet to officially pronounce the show DOA, last week Bionic co-executive producer David Eick confirmed the cancellation to Sci Fi Wire, dashing the hopes of its dozens and dozens of remaining fans.

Now, I realize this news is probably, well, duh to anyone who watched even a couple of episodes. The incredible hype surrounding the freshman series fizzled to a barely audible meh as the season progressed. Eick attributes the failure to the show never coming together as hoped:

“I just felt that the process was so frustrating, and the conditions under which we were making that show never really came to fruition in such a way that I felt like we could make the show well. The actress (Michelle Ryan) we found was wonderful. Some of the writing was good.”

Wonderful? Well, her abs were wonderful. And some of the writing was good? That must mean some was bad. Which, of course, it was. Bionic Woman had that killer combo of uninspired dialogue, unintelligible storylines and an underwhelming lead. Also, God, how boring was her boyfriend? Snore. If he’s a secret agent, than he must be 00Zzzz.

You could count me among some of the most excited pre-fans as I eagerly awaited its arrival last fall. Heck, I think I even drooled a little. But once the dream became a reality, oh, how the wheels came off. Granted, I stuck with it so much longer than I should have. The potential of Sarah Corvus was that strong. Still, even I didn’t bother to watch the show’s final pre-strike (and now, ever) episode. I have only so many hours in my life; why waste one more? … continue reading

I don't think too much about dating, these days. I've haven't been single for a while and have no desire or plan to be single again. But when I saw Entertainment Weekly's list of “TV Characters You'd Date,” I asked my girlfriend and a couple of friends to play the who-would-you-date game. My girlfriend chimed in immediately with Dana Fairbanks. (I was not surprised. She's mentioned her before.) One friend led with Olivia Benson (Law and Order: SVU) and followed up with Tasha Williams (The L Word) and Diane Russell (NYPD Blue). The other shared that Kris Munroe (Charlie's Angels) was her first love (and the one against which all subsequent loves have been measured). And then she threw in Mary Bradford (Eight Is Enough) and C.J. Lamb (L.A. Law) for good measure..

And, of course, I made my own list. Which got very long. Here are but a few.

Liz Lemon — 30 Rock

This one is so obvious that I almost feel stupid explaining it. Smart is hot. Funny is hot. And hot is hot. Even though she might eventually send me looking for my own “lady Steadman,” I would not pass up the chance to date Liz Lemon.

Alice Pieszecki — The L Word

Once again, smart + funny + hot = an obvious choice. She's out and proud, and I like that in a woman. Alice did, however, have a lot of competition for my affections. On pure physical attraction (plus major smarts), I'd probably go with Bette. But she cheats, and I don't like that in a woman. Then there's Tasha. Swoon. And Carmen. Swoon. But I think I would laugh most with Alice, so there you go.

Alex Cabot — Law and Order: SVU … continue reading

By the end of today, the writers' strike should be officially over. I think we can all breathe a deep sigh of relief that the nightmare scenario of MILF Island, America’s Next Top Pirate and Are You Smarter Than a Dog? never came to fruition. Can I get a halle-freaking-lujah? Sure, the strike’s end means we’ll no longer get to see adorable shots of Tina Fey and others on the picket line. But I’ll gladly sacrifice a little photogenic solidarity for fresh episodes of my favorite shows. Pending a final vote today from Writers Guild of America members, scripted shows could begin production Wednesday. Of course, now you’re all thinking, but when? When will my show be back?

Well, don’t get mad when I tell you this, but you’re going to have to be a bit more patient. According to The New York Times, it takes at least of four weeks to get a 30-minute comedy completed from scratch and six to eight weeks for hour-long dramas. So that means, realistically, it will be mid-March or early April when new episodes start to flood the airwaves again. But they are coming. While some shows have already abandoned the rest of their seasons, others will be back for anywhere from four to ten new episodes.

The New York Times and TV Guide have made comprehensive lists of returning shows. Let’s run through some of the AfterEllen.com-friendly offerings together, shall we?

30 Rock: Five to ten more shows to air April/May. Thank God; life without Liz Lemon was one big blerg.

Battlestar Galactica: The first half of the final season begins April 4. Production on the second half could start in March, with an airdate not yet set.

Bionic Woman: According to TV Guide, “No new episodes expected. Ever.” Oh, Sarah Corvus, I think I’ll miss you most of all. … continue reading

Whenever I see someone with one of those “Kill Your Television” bumper stickers, I feel two distinct emotions. One, shut up, Smuggy McSmugerson. I bet you don’t read the copies of The New Yorker in your bathroom either. And two, yeah, sometimes I do feel like taking a 12-gauge to the old idiot box. This year I got my usual mix of joy and pain from my television. The highs were so very fantastic. The lows so very sucktastic. Here's a rundown of my top and bottom five TV shows for 2007.

Five I Loved:

1) 30 Rock: Everything about this show, well, rocks. It’s smart, funny, geeky and good to the gays — just like its creator, Tina Fey. She is the antidote to the mediocrity that keeps trying to choke our culture into submission. This show alone is reason enough to own a television. … continue reading

Ever play a game of telephone as a child? What starts out as "Katee Sackhoff is frakking hot" somehow becomes something like "my kids are smoking pot."

Apparently, we adults are not immune to such childish pastimes. Last week, reports began circulating that Katee Sackhoff had been loudly distancing herself from not only Bionic Woman (not that I blame her), but also Michelle Ryan. One blogger reportedly attended a recent sci-fi convention at which Sackhoff spoke publicly about both Battlestar Galactica and Bionic Woman, and has insinuated that Sackhoff said some not-so-nice things about both the show and Ryan.

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Ahhh, lesbian hair. That much-maligned subject of punch lines everywhere. Historically, gay women’s hairstyles haven’t always had the best reputation. And I’m not even going to mention the dreaded M-word. While I have no problem with business in the front, party in the back when it comes to your personal life, I refuse to accept it on your head. But I believe we’ve turned a corner here in the hair club for women. Why else would so many stars be rocking the lesbian hair of late?

I’m not just talking seventh-grade-gym-teacher hair either. I speak of all the chic, often cropped cuts the ladies of TV and film have been sporting everywhere. It’s gotten to the point that even seemingly straight stars have started suffering from lesbian twin syndrome. I’m dying for Women’s Murder Club and Bionic Woman to do a crossover episode so these two can scream: “Lesbian Twins activate! Form of — haircut!”

So with that, let’s examine, and of course rate, the trend of lesbian locks. … continue reading

You know when you're having one of those WLT days? No, not a craving for a wombat, lettuce and tomato sandwich — 'cause, ewww. No, I mean a Wishful Lesbian Thinking day. Well, I had one of those the other day when I read the plot description for the new film The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. Robin Wright Penn, Winona Ryder and Julianne Moore have signed on to star in the new drama which, according to Variety, is about Pippa, “a dutiful wife whose husband falls for a younger woman, freeing her to explore her buried sensuality and leading to a very quiet nervous breakdown.” Robin plays Pippa, Winona plays the younger woman, and Julianne plays a place Pippa explores her buried sexuality ... hopefully. See, ain't WLT delicious?

Now, I'm not sure if this case of WLT will pan out. My gay Spidey sense says yes, especially after reading this plot description. But even without a payoff, this is the kind of thinking that has launched a million shippers sites. There are the gold standards (Xena and Gabrielle), the wishful turned wish fulfilled (Willow and Tara) and the just plain awesome (Daria and Jane).

So with that, I thought I'd share a few more of my most recent WLT daydreams, culled from current TV and film. … continue reading

FHM has an interesting list of what they consider the 10 best female movie villains. They also have some disturbing, yet fun, video clips to go along with their choices. And it got me thinking: What exactly makes a villainess a grand dame in the baddie world? So here's my take on the qualities that make a villain truly great.

1. The hotness factor

OK, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I can get swept up by a villain just because she's hot. I'm not alone: Malinda has her own list of baddies who are also hotties. Both Malinda and FHM include the likes of Catherine Tramell (Basic Instinct) and Catwoman as played by Michelle Pfieffer. O-Ren Ishii makes the FHM list and mine as well. I'd also like to suggest two more recent villains to add to the "hot" list: Sarah Corvus and Caprica Six (Battlestar Galactica).

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I really like my Entertainment Weekly subscription. It was a total suckered-in kind of thing. I got the “free trial” that I was going to cancel before the not-free period began. Right. But I enjoy the magazine, and I particularly appreciate the subscription when I learn of fun things — such as the Entertainment Weeky/TV Land special The 50 Greatest TV Icons, scheduled to air this Friday night.

I'll be out of town on Friday night, but my DVR is already set. I love me some TV and I want to know who is crowned the Greatest TV Icon of all time. I know who I'd pick: Kermit the Frog.

Unfortunately, I suspect that Kermit will not be number one because he's pictured in the listing in the magazine. Where would the suspense be then?

But let's watch a video of TV icon Kermit singing his iconic song, “The Rainbow Connection,” with punk icon Debbie Harry — just because it's fun. … continue reading

Whenever I turn on my TV these days, I get the strange urge to pull a Paul Revere in my living room and start screaming, “The British are coming! The British are coming!” Until I realize, oh wait, they’re already here. This season a brigade of British actresses are breaking out their best American accents to star in new prime-time shows. Among them are a bionic woman, an undead girl, a Terminator fighter and a vampire helper. Here's a look at the U.K. actresses making time on American TV screens.

I think you’ve already met Bionic Woman Michelle Ryan and her abs. In the last episode, they put her real accent to good use undercover as a British exchange student. An Englishwoman playing an American girl pretending to be a British student? It was like Victor/Victoria with accents instead of gender. … continue reading

We're more than a month into the Fall TV season — time enough to figure out which shows we don't want to miss and which ones we miss on purpose. Sarah and Lori have been giving their week-by-week reviews of what they're watching in She Made Me Watch This, but if you're like me, you get so caught up in how adorable they are that you totally forget what they're saying. And some readers can't watch the vlogs for various reasons. So here's a slightly different forum for weighing in with your opinions of this season's series — after I weigh in with mine, of course.

Let's start with what was probably the show most anticipated by AfterEllen.com readers: Bionic Woman.

My one-word review: meh. The eye candy factor only goes so far. I just don't care about these characters. Even Katee Sackhoff can't hold my attention for an hour in a boring show. TiVo-worthy? Nope. … continue reading

Jaime Sommers. Supergirl. Sarah Walker. Niki Sanders. Sarah Corvus. All women who kick butt on a regular basis on network TV. None have captured my heart in the way that Buffy, Xena and Syd did, but the possibility is there.

We love that these characters are more than beautifully buff bodies. They're real people, with brains and personalities and problems — even dark sides. Other writers have analyzed why strong women are so popular with general audiences, but at AfterEllen.com, we prefer to focus on the women themselves. And their beautifully buff bodies.

Fortunately, we can count on EW.com to have the right list at the right time. Last week's Butt-Kicking Babes is just what the lesbians ordered. The inspired lineup includes the top 24 hard-hittin' hotties of all time. Actually, it started with 22 — with Buffy and Sydney missing. Fan outcry forced revision of the list, and rightly so. Now most of our favorites are there — Ripley, The Bride, Starbuck, Trinity, Kate Austen — along with some great choices that are less obvious. Here are some highlights and choice quotes from EW's notes. … continue reading

Much as I love watching Katee Sackhoff chew up scenery as Sarah Corvus, I miss the campy nature of the original Bionic Woman. I'm a big fan of shows that don't take themselves too seriously. That's one of the multitudes of reasons why I loved Xena and Buffy. The folks involved in both of those shows could do the serious-make-you-think kinds of episodes, but they weren't afraid to poke a little fun at themselves either. I think that's also one of the reasons I lost interest in The X-Files after a time; they started taking themselves too seriously far too often.

Why am I bringing this up? Because I have started to wonder what happened to my favorite superheroes of days gone by, the ones that clearly were as capable of laughing at themselves as they were of saving the world. I remember watching Wonder Woman in her invisible jet, hearing the telltale bionic sound effect when Jamie Sommers broke into a run, and very briefly catching a glimpse of Electra Woman and her faithful sidekick Dynagirl. So, where did the ladies who portrayed these super femmes disappear to, anyway? Or did they really disappear at all?

Since Bionic Woman sent me off on this tangent, it's only fair that I start with the original Jamie Sommers, Lindsay Wagner.

These days, Wagner can be seen hawking sleep number beds (and looking less than enthusiastic about it, if you ask me) and tearfully accepting awards from the folks at TV Land. … continue reading

In this week's episode of She Made Me Watch This!, Lori and I attempt to answer some of the great questions of our era, including:

• which TV couple is gayer: Jamie Sommers and Sarah Corvus on Bionic Woman (NBC) or Cristina and Meredith on Grey's Anatomy (ABC)?
• which TV show is more depressing: Mad Men (AMC) or Private Practice (ABC)?
• who's hotter: Angie Harmon or Mariska Hargitay?
• why Sarah sees Buffy everywhere she looks, and Lori has a thing for vampire shows.

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Plus, Lori rants this time — twice! — complete with flailing of arms and strongly-worded declarative sentences. See what I live with, people? It's hard to get a word in edge-wise!

Last week, Private Practice and Bionic Woman were jointly, and depressingly, reviewed in The New York Times. The essence of the review appeared midway: "Both shows suggest that the easiest way to make a female protagonist likable is to dumb her down with self-doubt." I had planned to watch Bionic Woman but not Private Practice. However, I decided to check out both and see if the prognosis was as bleak as the reviewer suggested. My conclusion, not surprisingly, was both yes and no.

I started with Private Practice, which I'm not going to thoroughly review, except to say that it was disappointingly stupid. If Audra McDonald is going to do television instead of Broadway, then it needs to be good television, people!

For anyone unaware, Private Practice is the ill-advised spin-off of Grey's Anatomy (which I do not watch.) The show's opening introduces us to the other doctors in Addison's new practice. Fertility specialist Naomi (Audra McDonald), Addison's best friend, is sobbing on her bathroom floor eating an entire cake.

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