As a former women's studies major — and a person who has eyes — I know objectifying women is nothing new. A little sexual objectification is human, and it's not just straight men who indulge in it (as the hilarious comments on Snarker's blog posts about Bitch Slap illustrate).

But every once in awhile, like today, I look around and suddenly feel like I'm in Sunnydale during the Ascension, and all the women I see are turning into zombie sex objects.

To wit: Keri Russell, who has never really recovered from HairGate, is in a photo shoot for the latest issue of Details magazine looking like a victim on Law & Order: SVU who was just rescued after trying to drown herself in her bathtub.

Really, Felicity? It's come to this?

Socio-political issues aside, I don't even understand how this drowned-rat look is sexy.

I also stumbled across the new trailer for the crime drama Powder Blue, which features Jessica Biel as a stripper who, well, pretty much just strips. … continue reading

People ask me all the time, “Wow, how in the world did you ever come up with your screen name?”

All right, fine ... no one ever asks me about it. But now that I’ve brought it up, aren’t you maybe just a little bit curious? Those of you with horror movie cred may have figured it out, but just in case you’re in the dark: The final girl, as usually seen in slasher films, is simply the last one alive. The phrase was coined by Carol Clover in her essential book on gender in horror movies, Men, Women, and Chainsaws, and she argues that having the hero of the film be, in fact, a heroine, the largely male target audience is “allowed” to take on the victim role without shame. To reinforce her point, Clover discusses movies where the final girl has an androgynous name, such as Hell Night, wherein Linda Blair portrays Marti, a college student trapped in a spooky mansion inhabited by a “gorked-out” family thought long dead.

It’s a tenuous argument at best; for every Marti found in slasherdom, there’s a Laurie or a Nancy. I suppose it all comes down to ... how much analysis do you want to put into these horror movies? Is the fact that the final girl is usually (but not always) a virginal “good” girl a statement about the perils of sex? Or does sex in horror mean boobs in horror, which in turn means money? Or does sex in horror simply put characters in vulnerable situations where the killer can strike?

Whether or not you agree that the strength of the final girl equates to a masculinization of the final girl, there’s no denying that she’s tough and resourceful. While everyone around her, friends and strangers alike, meets the business end of some cuckoo nutso killer’s knife, the final girl survives to take him (or, in rare instances, her) on. There’s no waiting around to be rescued by some guy — the final girl needs to take care of herself. Here are some of my favorite final girls to have graced the big screen.

1. Sally Hardesty: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre

A simple trip to a swimmin’ hole turns into a nightmare beyond belief when Sally (Marilyn Burns) and her friends encounter Leatherface and his chainsaw. Sally survives a really gnarly family dinner and manages to escape Leatherface’s whirring blade. Sure, she ends up completely insane at the end of her ordeal, but who can blame her?

Burns’s mantle was picked up by Jessica Biel (as Erin) in the Chainsaw remake.

And Jordana Brewster had her shot at dueling against Leatherface in TCM: The Beginning. … continue reading

I don't frequent Victoria's Secret stores. I don't watch those lame Victoria's Secret TV specials. I don't peruse the Victoria's Secret catalog and never have, not even when one of my college friends insisted it was the perfect study break.

So, fine; I didn't really expect to like the 2008 What Is Sexy? list, which was released by Victoria's Secret earlier today. But nor did I expect to be thoroughly confused by it. You've probably seen headlines about the most ridiculous one: Ryan Seacrest made the list for "sexiest smile." Ryan Seacrest? I think they must have accidentally copied and pasted from their What Is Icky? list.

But let's talk about the women on the list, starting with the one that really made me say "Whaaaaat?" in a Jill Bennett–esque way:

Sexiest Mom: Victoria Beckham

Uh. Did they mean Sexiest Person You Always Forget Is a Mom, Because, Really, Since When Can Mannequins Reproduce? I can think of many better candidates. Salma Hayek, for one.

Sexiest Actress: Eva Mendes … continue reading

Annie Leibovitz could photograph a rock or, more challenging still, The Rock and make it look fascinating. So watching her turn famous faces into iconic Disney characters for the theme park’s Year of a Million Dreams campaign has been a real treat. Now that I’ve seen the third round of images, I’ve upgraded the experience from treat to gourmet meal. On the menu are Tina Fey, Gisele Bundchen, Jessica Biel, Whoopi Goldberg and Jennifer Lopez. Seriously, who has a fork?

The Peter Pan scene features Gisele as Wendy Darling with dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov as Peter Pan and Tina flitting about as Tinker Bell. Tina as Tink? I’ve just died and gone to Neverland.

Jessica Biel gets in touch with nature in her shot as Pocahontas. Hmm, while Jessica looks great in her buckskin togs, I’m not really feeling her as the Native American princess. Somehow, when I look at her, I just don’t think about the rich culture of the Powhatan Indians. … continue reading

Theoretically, the Spike TV Scream Awards should totally not be my thing. First, it’s on Spike TV, the channel with the subtle tagline “Get More Action” and programming aimed at the young adult male market. You know, the polar opposite of Lifetime Television for Women. Second, it’s an award show dedicated to horror, sci-fi and fantasy. While I enjoy a lot of sci-fi and fantasy, I’ve never been a big horror fan. I can’t help it; I scare easily. And finally, I can’t take any event seriously that asks Paris Hilton to appear. But then I heard Lena Headey would also be there, and suddenly all that other stuff didn’t seem to matter that much.

Oh, Lena. Even your crazy choice of potato-sack couture could not deter my devotion. Now I’m going to have to tape the telecast and fast-forward to your parts. Or, better yet, wait until some similarly stalkerish devoted fan posts the clips online.

The Scream Awards were held last Friday in Los Angeles, and the broadcast airs at 10:00 tonight on Spike. And for those of you with a somewhat less obsessive view of lovely Lena, there are some other reasons to watch. Like, say, Rosario Dawson’s tongue: … continue reading

I know you have an opinion on the Ellen brouhaha. So do I. So does, well, everybody. But I believe that in the midst of the most heated controversy, we can find common ground. Women. We all love women. And where you find women who love women, you find women who love animals. In the spirit of unity, then, let's look at women we love and their pets. OK, yes, it's an excuse to post pictures of cute women. Starting with Joss Stone and Dusty.

… continue reading

IMDb is featuring a photo gallery called "The Girls of Summer 2007." It collects still photos of the female stars of pretty much every summer movie you can think of, from the what-were-they-thinking (Isla Fisher in Hot Rod; Elisha Cuthbert in Captivity) to the pretty good (Claire Danes in Evening; Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up) to the sublime (oh, wait; it's summer. Never mind.).

What a nice weekend gift! Friday the thirteenth? More like Friday the droolteenth.

Here are some samples — visit IMDb for the complete eye candy.

Lauren Graham in Evan Almighty, stunning in her down-to-earth way

Mandy Moore in License to Wed — you still can't pay me to see this … continue reading

I'm pretty sure that I'm a bad lesbian. After all, just the premise of the new movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry chaps me. "Two straight, single Brooklyn firefighters (Adam Sandler, Kevin James) pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits."

And yet here I am, in essence promoting the film by providing you with a juvenile new clip from it that features the beautiful (and ranked #41 on the AfterEllen.com Hot List) Jessica Biel. In her skivvies. I can hardly look at myself!

Oh well. I'll look at her. … continue reading

I haven't had time to watch the MTV Movie Awards yet, but Dorothy Snarker has the scoop on her blog. Sarah Silverman's shaming of Paris Hilton is getting all the buzz online, but I'd rather watch Sarah not-kiss Jessica Biel:

(The clip is after the cut.) … continue reading

They say everyone has a twin. Maybe every time you're out at a particular bar or restaurant, someone mistakes you for some other girl? I used to go to a club and every now and then, random women would come up to me and say, "Hi, Kim!" Who the hell was Kim? I never did find out.

My current twin doesn't so much look like me as think like me. Exactly like me. You know who you are. When you and your twin are both famous, we end up with this: a list of celebrities who were separated at birth.

Evangeline Lilly and Jessica Biel
They can star in a new series called Lost in 7th Heaven

Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz
Am I the only one who was confused which one was which all the way through Bandidas? … continue reading