Don't judge the number on this list!  Six is my lucky number.  Or am I just saying that six is my lucky number as an April fool's joke?  You can't be sure what is or isn't true today, can you? Now that I have made you paranoid, here are my Top Six Moments in Entertainment that I wish were just bad pranks rather than true events.

6. Anne Heche Phones Home

Anne Heche has had some public ups and downs but nothing shines so bright as her attempt to board the Mothership.

In 2000, Heche (aka Celestia, aka AreYouKiddingMe?!) was found wandering in a rural area outside Fresno wearing only a bra and shorts (attire only acceptable for Dinah Shore weekend).  AreYouKiddingMe?! rang a stranger's doorbell and requested directions to a gateway into outer space and then asked if she could use their shower. (I always freshen up before exiting the planet.)

5. Cher Retires...

...again and again and again.  The artist only known by one name (and Mama Bear to Chastity Bono, pictured below sporting a mullet) has been entertaining the world for over 40 years. She won an Academy Award, Grammy Award, Emmy Award and three Golden Globes.

Sadly, Cher hung her wigs up for good during her Farewell Tour in April 2005 at the Hollywood Bowl. We miss you Cher we miss you ... but wait! We will NOT miss you anymore because you're back in effect at Caesar's Palace performing the Cher Resurrection Cher Returns tour!

You tricked us Cher! We thought you were going to sit home in a rocking chair crocheting until death came knocking at your door. Good one Cher! You really April-fooled us this time! (P.S. more butt tattoos, please.)

4. Winona Ryder Needs to Borrow Five Bucks

In 2002, Hollywood's not so-girl next door Winona Ryder was convicted of stealing $5,500 in clothing from Saks Fifth Ave.  The two-time Academy Award nominee has worked with Tim Burton and sex goddess Angelina Jolie, yet all she ever wanted was a petite oyster-colored sweater set.

In one afternoon, Ryder set pixies back 20 years. Tinkerbell is the only one we can trust now. … continue reading

Recently, I have been contemplating getting another tattoo. After all, it has been scientifically proven that they are hot. Before I get inked, however, there are two things I have to decide on first: the design and the placement.

Now you see why I am holding out. There is nothing worse than a bad tattoo.

Let's be real, though: The design options are endless; the placement options are not. And what better way to decide where to permanently mark my body than by looking to celebrities for guidance? It seems to be the trend.

First, there's the old-school armband that Pamela Anderson made popular.

Her thoughts on body art?

"Tattoos are like stories — they're symbolic of the important moments in your life. Sitting down, talking about where you got each tattoo and what it symbolizes, is really beautiful."

But what exactly does barbed wire symbolize? Oh, right: There was that 1996 movie written by someone named Ilene Chaiken. But I digress.

Moving on, I present to you arms and wrists.

Clockwise from top left: Winona Ryder, Jessica Alba, Alanis Morissette and Tegan and Sara.

(See more of Tegan and Sara's tattoos here.)

Of course, I could follow the examples of Megan Fox, Alyssa Milano and Christina Ricci and choose the back of my shoulder. … continue reading

I have a really long to-do list in a notebook somewhere. I call it my things-to-do-before-I-croak list. It includes stuff like places I want to see, books I want to read and things I'd like to accomplish. Thanks to AfterEllen.com, I can sort of cross off one of those items. No. 67: Get published. Sure, the Internet wasn't what I had in mind when I added that particular item to my list, but it counts in my world.

Another thing on my to-do list is attend the Sundance Film Festival. If I could manage to squeeze in the time off and barter my way to Utah, I'd make 2008 the year to get that one crossed off the list. The complete list of films screening at next year's festival was released over the course of the past couple of weeks. Not only do some of the films sound intriguing, but the list of who's in those films should make the red carpet a true treat. In last week's Best. Lesbian. Week. Ever. we told you about one reason to head for the Utah mountains, a reason named Saffron Burrows. Here are a few more reasons to make the trek.

One of the people I would expect to see strutting about town is Lena Headey. Not only would I love to drool over her in person, but I'd also like to see the movie she's in that's screening at Park City at Midnight. It's called The Broken and tells the tale of a woman who sees herself drive by in her own car while on a busy London street. She follows the mystery double into "a living nightmare." Lena Headey in what sounds like an eerie psychological thriller? Count me in. … continue reading

You know when you're having one of those WLT days? No, not a craving for a wombat, lettuce and tomato sandwich — 'cause, ewww. No, I mean a Wishful Lesbian Thinking day. Well, I had one of those the other day when I read the plot description for the new film The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. Robin Wright Penn, Winona Ryder and Julianne Moore have signed on to star in the new drama which, according to Variety, is about Pippa, “a dutiful wife whose husband falls for a younger woman, freeing her to explore her buried sensuality and leading to a very quiet nervous breakdown.” Robin plays Pippa, Winona plays the younger woman, and Julianne plays a place Pippa explores her buried sexuality ... hopefully. See, ain't WLT delicious?

Now, I'm not sure if this case of WLT will pan out. My gay Spidey sense says yes, especially after reading this plot description. But even without a payoff, this is the kind of thinking that has launched a million shippers sites. There are the gold standards (Xena and Gabrielle), the wishful turned wish fulfilled (Willow and Tara) and the just plain awesome (Daria and Jane).

So with that, I thought I'd share a few more of my most recent WLT daydreams, culled from current TV and film. … continue reading

I know, everyone who writes about this will use that line, but now it's out of my system and I can focus on the news: Winona Ryder is the latest addition to J.J. Abrams' Star Trek movie.

Ryder will play Amanda Grayson, Spock's mother. Although Ryder would make a gorgeous Vulcan, her character is human — the one responsible for Spock's seldom-seen emotional side. Jane Wyatt had the role in the original series and in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. … continue reading

No, I don't mean that time when she got arrested for shoplifting. But that's the first thing that comes to mind, isn't it? It's true: After a self-imposed hiatus from acting, Winona Ryder is trying to get her career back on track, but first she has to explain herself in public.

I'm only exaggerating a little when I say that Ryder's career is like a scrapbook of my college movie night memories. Even her films without lesbian moments had a queer subtext that we loved. There was this: … continue reading