Blair and her accessories friends plan for her 18th birthday party. Blair’s legal! Serena’s there and wants to help, but she’s horribly pre-occupied with text messages she gets from Aaron directing her to his favorite spots around the city. Even Blair’s distracted, because Eleanor has a new boyfriend and Blair’s dying to meet him and envisions tall, dark and handsome — so of course we know right away that he’s none of the above.

Serena skips out of the party planning and follows a text that sends her to the middle of Times Square, where Aaron meets her. Aaron manages to get a live shot of Serena on the gigantic screen! Wow, he must really be in love to do something so ridiculously grandiose, huh? This gesture is grander than grand, and he and Serena kiss for all of NYC — or at least those stuck in Times Square — to see. Aaron asks if she will be his muse, and after a Jumbotron-size show of emotion, how can a girl resist?

Dan’s sell-out of Chuck, aka Charlie Trout, seems to be paying unusually high dividends. Not only does Dan’s story get him a Yale recommendation from his previous mentor, Noah Shapiro, but his high school writing is so incredibly awesome that New York magazine gives him a shot at an article for their fine publication regarding Charlie Trout’s real-life father. They want an exposé of Bart Bass. Dan agrees to do it, because apparently self-righteous only gets you to community college but ruthless gets you Ivy League recommendations.

Finally, Blair meets her mother’s new boyfriend, Cyrus Rose (yeah, Aaron’s father), and is grossly disappointed in his looks, his height and what seems to be his annoying personality. She tries to be mature about it until she learns that Cyrus and her mother are skipping her birthday party and heading to a Cyndi Lauper concert. Blair decides to search for skeletons in Cyrus’ closet to end the relationship once and for all. Over dinner with Cyrus, he tells Blair some long, sad story about a lost love when he was in Vietnam. … continue reading

I believe what Jenny did, by crashing Bart and Lily’s boring charity event, is called making a fashion statement. Her statement was so loud that it screamed at Dan that he’s too cautious and yelled at Rufus that he’s not in charge.

Last week's episode, “There Might Be Blood,” had most of the characters’ blood either racing or boiling. Jenny and her new BFF, Agnes, plot a guerilla fashion show. This should not be confused with a gorilla fashion show where large hairy beasts walk around in Jenny’s dresses (which might have been more fun than the actual show), but rather it’s a plot to hijack an already planned event and have an impromptu fashion show.

Dan and Nate stumble upon Jenny’s plan early on, and Jenny begs her self-righteous brother not to spill the beans to Rufus. Dan’s not sure what to do so he leaves to consult with Vanessa while Nate stays behind to do what exactly? Oh, right, to drive Jenny and Agnes to the event they’re not invited to.

Vanessa admits to Dan that she thinks it’s great that Jenny is taking a risk for something she’s passionate about. Rufus overhears the conversation and the three go back to the loft to talk with Jenny. When they arrive, Jenny is leaving with Agnes and Nate. Rufus and Dan feel good that at least Nate is there to talk some sense into Jenny. Vanessa still has feelings for Nate, but she also knows that Nate’s not always on the correct side of moral judgment. … continue reading

Little Jenny Humphrey is all grown up — and she dyed her hair and put black circles around her eyes to prove it. She also kisses Nate, tells Eleanor that her designs would be on the sale rack without young, hip Jenny’s eye for fashion, parties till the break of dawn with grown people, dances in her underwear while creepy grown men take her picture, has no job and doesn’t go to school. So take that, all you regular 15-year-old Stepford kids!

If you can't tell, this episode was all about Jenny.

Surprisingly though, the episode, “Pret-a-Poor-J,” doesn’t start with J at all; it starts with B. Remember how Whitney Houston sang it so beautifully: "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." Sing it! Yeah, well, um, Blair was learning to love herself one morning before school when Dorota interrupts Blair’s lesson. … continue reading

Since the debut of Gossip Girl on the CW, there's been a lot of buzz on the Blair and Serena friendship. The loving glances, the make-up hugs, the "S" and "B" nicknames they have for one another — the girls are close, even when they are angry with the other. Their hostility fuels their love-hate relationship, but it seems possible that in the future, the "love" will win out.

The show's writers must have known about the "gay" Gossip buzz, because they decided to apply it — to Serena's brother, Eric. Woo-hoo, congrats on coming out. Now back to your sister ...

We hold out hope, so when the headline "Spoiler Chat: Are Blair and Serena Going Gay?" appeared on E! online, we almost knew it was going to be bad news before we read on. … continue reading

Something worth taking advantage of this week is M.I.A.'s new digital-only EP, How Many Votes, which is only on iTunes today through Nov. 3. After that, it will be available on other online outlets, but there will not be any hard copies to grab. Ironic how she's paired up with another "retired" rapper Jay-Z on the remixed track "Boyz."

Lady Gaga —The Fame (Interscope Records)

The ambiguous singer has a style that others are catching on to (see: Christina Aguilera), and her single "Just Dance" was made for accompanying a night out. However, it seems like she might have lent her best songs to the Pussycat Dolls and New Kids on the Block and kept the leftovers for herself.

Pink —Funhouse (LaFace Records)

Once you hear "So What," it's almost impossible to get out of your head — which means Pink is successful in creating a great single, yet again. The rest of the album follows suit, mixing R&B, rock and pop as the singer is able to do on every release. … continue reading

I thought that we have been watching “Chuck In Real Life,” dating back to last season. Turns out we haven’t. This week we see Chuck’s vulnerable awesomeness shine so brightly that it even blinds Vanessa for a while and acts as a shimmering beacon of lust to Blair. Can it be that Chuck in real life might actually care what people think of him?

The newly blended Bass-van der Woodsen family is set to host a housewarming extravaganza. It’ll be a family coming out party complete with perfect children and wonderful parents! But where are they going to find such children and parents so quickly?

At breakfast, Lily and Bart dole out a few new family rules. On the surface, curfews and no martini drinking on school nights seem to be perfectly fine rules for the under 18 crowd but Serena bristles at the idea not because its not appropriate but because she’s convinced it’s Bart’s idea and that Lily is yet again drinking some new husband’s kool-aid.

Eric (who has a new boyfriend — yay!) tries to convince Serena that Bart and Lily seem sincere about wanting what’s best for the family. Eric asks Serena to play nice. Chuck shatters the peace when he tells Serena that he assumes the rules are a way for his image and business conscious father to rein in Serena’s unflattering (to Mr. Bass) tabloid celebrity. Chuck’s take on the new family rules re-ignites Serena’s overt rebellion to following them. Did you see that dress she wore on her way out the door to break a little curfew?

Over in Brooklyn, Vanessa’s leading a petition drive attempting to save an old building from being bought by developers and renovated into another soulless gentrified trendy nightspot. Since she’s home schooled and apparently has no friends other than Dan and Jenny she decides to go to Constance Billard and bark up Blair’s tree for some help in getting signatures of the well-to-do. … continue reading

Oh no she didn’t. Oh yes she did. Blair threw her purse at the back of Serena’s head and all heaven broke loose! Come on, we all know the best part about a good fight is the making up afterward. This episode might have been titled, “New Haven Can Wait,” but I sure couldn’t! Wait, that is.

It’s college visit weekend and the gang heads north to New Haven, Conn., home of Yale University. They each have their own motivation for going. Chuck wants a secret society invitation, Dan wants someone to think his writing is Yale-worthy rather than yawn-worthy, Nate wants to think he’s anybody other than the son of a notorious embezzling loser, Blair genuinely wants her dream of gaining early admission as a legacy and Serena wants to make sure that Blair’s dream turns into a nightmare. The good news is most everyone got what he or she wanted! But as the saying goes, be careful of what you ask for.

Blair, still smarting over Serena’s declaration that she’s not going to play second fiddle to Blair’s insecurities anymore, snidely tells Serena all the reasons why Serena was not Yale material. What Blair doesn’t know is that Serena, who had planned to visit Brown for the weekend, has already been invited by Yale’s Dean of Admissions to attend the weekend event there. In deference to Blair, though, Serena was not going to accept the invitation. But after Blair’s insinuation that Serena was simply too stupid for Yale, Serena smartly decides to skip Brown and charm Yale.

At Yale, as Blair waits outside the dean’s office (how cute was she in her green cardigan and tie?) surprise! out walks a laughing, enchanting Serena and an obviously celebrity-smitten dean. Oh no: Blair’s Eliza Doolittle nightmare where she remains the clumsy Cockney lass as Serena emerges as My Fair Lady seems to be coming true. … continue reading

In 1963, Edward Gorey wrote The Gashlycrumb Tinies, a book that relays the deaths of 26 children (each representing a letter of the alphabet) in rhyming couplets, accompanied by black-and-white drawings representing their deaths.

This week, Jessica Szohr, who plays Vanessa on Gossip Girl, let it slip to TV Guide that someone in the cast will die later this season:

There's a lot going on. There's a love triangle between Vanessa, Nate and Jenny, there's a funeral — that's all I can say. We can't talk about it!

Today, I present to you The Gossip Girl Tinies, in which I speculate on the means of death suffered by certain main and supporting cast members of Gossip Girl. … continue reading

The new episode of Gossip Girl is called “The Serena Also Rises," and she certainly does! Serena rises from the ashes of Dan’s smoldering smugness to take her place among the elite, Jenny Humphrey becomes an incorrigible force to be reckoned with, Dan and Chuck become boyfriends and Blair becomes the odd queen out.

It’s Fashion Week in New York City, and Blair, stinging from losing Chuck to his insecurity and Marcus to his step-mama, looks to reclaim her footing. She’s thrilled to be in charge of the seating chart for Eleanor’s show. As tradition, she and Serena watch her mother’s show from backstage, so she assigns her fawning posse prime seats in the second row. Since Marc Jacobs' show will be taking place at the same time as Eleanor’s, Blair knows that the in-crowd won’t fill the seats so she might as well get cool points from her friends.

Blair presents her pals with the tickets and they’re OMG happy until they see a picture of Serena in a newspaper and then that becomes so much cooler than their tickets. Chuck rubs Blair’s nose in the fact that Serena is now palling around with Poppy Lifton (sounds like Paris Hilton without the mug shot and jail time) and that the gang is in awe of Serena’s good fortune and even better connections. Blair is becoming more jealous of Serena’s meteoric rise.

That same morning, Dan and Jenny have a bro-sis talk about how it feels to be invisible on campus. Dan says that he likes it because now he can concentrate on his pedestrian awesome writing (he has a new mentor) and Yale application. Jenny mumbles something about school, and Dan rushes to Italian class while Jenny rushes from her classes over to Eleanor’s dreaming of Italian shoes. … continue reading

It is time for a confession so shocking I fear I might lose your affection forever. Dear readers, in college I did not major in Lesbian Scientistics — no, I was a finance major with a minor in history and political science.

Even worse, I have been abusing my Scientistics powers of late. I have not been researching any queer subjects at all. I am using all of my Scientistics energy to try to predict the winner of the presidential election. Unfortunately, I continue to fail. Presidential elections are a tricky business.

Luckily, those aren't the only elections taking place this November. Thirty-three percent of you Americans will be voting for for your congressperson this fall, and while I cannot predict the president, I am absolutely certain I could guess who will win your congressional seat. See, when people get to the polls to vote for congress, 90 percent chose their candidate based on name recognition. That's why it's so hard to beat an incumbent: shear popularity drives the vote.

Using that knowledge and the power of Google Trends, I have predicted who would win a congressional seat among the women on some of your favorite shows.

First up, Gossip Girl.

Whose name is most popular among Google searchers? Is it Leighton Meester as Queen B: Blair Waldorf? Or, Blake Lively as bad girl gone good gone bad again, Serena Van der Woodsen. Or, is it Taylor Momsen's little Jenny Humphrey, who is, at this moment, usurping Blair's place in Blair's own mother's heart?

Looks like Bad Serena would win the congress seat on the Upper East Side. … continue reading

“The Ex Files” finds the gang back at school and back to ruling the world. Fine, not the whole world, just the teen world of the Upper East Side.

Serena takes back her throne as queen of the school, the Humphreys are back to being nobodies, Nate’s back from being a ho, but — most importantly — the tension between Blair and Serena is back — not quite in full force yet but it’s coming, and I can’t wait.

Now that Serena and Dan are broken up, they have to figure out how they are going to co-exist at school: Should they be mature and be friends, or should they be passive-aggressive with each other until a direct confrontational show down? Well, they tried the former and quickly dissolved into the latter, and boy, was it fun to watch!

The unwritten rule is that the first one to date after a break-up is the winner, and whenever you have a winner, there’s bound to be a loser. But we all know that Dan is really the loser so how did he score a date before Serena? Because of Chuck, of course. Chuck’s trying to get Serena back to the top of the heap to dethrone Blair. I’m still not sure why a dethroned Blair is of any value to Chuck so please post your understandings of this.

There's a new girl at school and she's takes a shine to Dan’s literary brain. Blair and her posse care more about how bad this looks for Serena than Serena herself. Blair tries to befriend the new girl just so the new girl will have to follow the you-can’t-date-the-ex-of-one-of-your-pals rule.

Serena tries to stay above it all so she apologies to Dan for how Blair is behaving. Dan gives her the "you weren’t immediately put-off by it” nonsense and, rather than smacking him upside his head and leaving tread marks on his face, Serena suggests that the three of them hang out together at a popular club so that she and the girl can get to know each other and be cool with each other. (Why does Serena try so hard with this guy?) … continue reading

First things first: Yes, Dan, sometimes people are treated differently because of who they are. Pout, shout, get a picket sign and protest, but please, get over it. Just because Serena knows this reality doesn’t make her a snob. It must be hard for Dan to stand up straight with that huge chip on his shoulder.

The latest episode, “The Dark Night,” features insufferable Dan and his bruised ego as the joker. Yet again, we see that Serena doesn’t have a superiority issue but Dan obviously has an inferiority one. Dude’s a drag.

On to more delicious topics like Blair. How cute did she look in all of her outfits? But what’s the deal with Marcus? He better recognize fire when it’s burning next to him. First Chuck can’t tell the girl “I love you,” then Marcus gives her the not-tonight-honey-I-have-a-headache blow off? Are the guys on Gossip Girl nuts?

Nate, the prostitute, acts like he’s nuts because, not only does he find himself stuck with a rich royal bully rather than an empathetic free spirit, but he told the bully the name of the island his father escaped to. I can’t fathom any of the girls being that dumb, not even Jenny.

These are the last days of summer and there’s a heat wave in NYC. On TV, this means a black out. Blair plans another party, and she’s still worried that Marcus isn’t in to her. She tries to get sexually cozy, but he gets all lordly, calls her a flower and says he wants their first time together to be special. Shut up, Marcus. … continue reading

Are the casts of today's teen shows too skinny? I think it was Entertainment Weekly's PopWatch blog that first notified me that this perennial hot topic was back in circulation. My answer: Yes.

While giddily soaking in the premiere of the new 90210, I couldn't help but be horrified by how much the female half of West Beverly had shrunk since Brenda and Brandon first stepped out of Mondale 18 years ago. My middle-school peers and I had plenty of pop culture-exacerbated body issues back then, but at least Shannen Doherty looked like a thin someone-you-might-actually-know.

But her healthy Midwestern frame, sadly, did not last. I'm sure I'm not the only one who gasped when Doherty assumed her Robert Palmer mannequin position next to Kelly and Donna as Emily Valentine crooned "Breaking Up is Hard to Do" in the Season 3 premiere — when did Doherty whittle her thighs down to sub-Tori Spelling proportions? The girl had ambition, and the connection between drive and weight loss is even more pronounced in Hollywood than in the rest of the country. … continue reading

The celebs seem to be lining up to get in on Liz Lemon's action — and who can blame them? This week, the media queen herself, Oprah Winfrey, confirmed that she, too, will guest star on 30 Rock this season. Gossip Girl's Blake Lively and Leighton Meester will follow suit.

Oprah is slated to play her very famous self, and is no stranger to guest stardom. In 1997, she played therapist to Ellen's character, Ellen Morgan, on quite possibly the most famous Ellen episode ever, urging her to come out to friends and family. Leave it to Oprah to be on board for such a historical event: Ellen’s coming out was the first time a gay character ever came out to audiences on primetime television.

You go, O. … continue reading

Oprah’s episode is tentatively scheduled to air Nov. 6, and she reportedly will share a lot of screen time with Tina Fey.

I can honestly say that, no, I had “Never Been Marcused,” prior to this Gossip Girl, but now that I have been, my head is spinning. There were more twists in this episode than an Agatha Christie play. (Not quite as clever, of course, but, hey, it’s a teen drama.)

At least the confusion over what fad term of female sexuality best labels Catherine, Nate’s summer fling, has been resolved. It turns out she's a step-MILF with major cougar tendencies. The big news this week is that Catherine is Marcus’ step-mama, and by the end of the episode, she became more than just Nate’s Mrs. Robinson — she became Nate’s sugar mama. Well, she is a pretty hot mama so I guess it’s just Mother’s Day all around.

Things happen quickly in this show. Blair, who thought Marcus was a tool until she found out he had blue in his blood, is now professing her love for him to anyone that will listen (which means Serena). Blair is upset, and assumes that Marcus doesn’t like her all that much because he doesn’t seem to want to introduce her to his parents, the Duke and the Duchess (or if you’re a Fergie fan, The Dutchess).

As we watch Blair worry herself silly over Marcus, Serena has confusing issues of her own. After spending the night on the beach with Dan in what can be assumed to be pure sexual bliss, Dan and Serena awake and agree that they should move more slowly in their reconciliation. Huh? Haven’t they spent an entire summer thinking about this? I’m already bored with Dan and Serena. Ugh.

Though uncertain about their relationship, Dan and Serena are so attracted to each other that they can’t keep their hands to themselves, leading them to begin a series of sexual encounters in public places such as the aforementioned beach and the bathroom of the bus that is taking them back to NYC from the Hamptons. What’s next — the courtyard at Constance Billard during an all-school assembly? … continue reading