Note: This is one of a series of satirical blog posts about entertainment. "Satire" means it's not true.

On the heels of the L Word-inspired Sappho Cosmetics line, and Three Custom Color Specialists just-announced new line of L Word lipsticks comes the announcement of a new Grey's Anatomy-inspired cosmetics line, Death Warmed Over, designed for "workaholic women who don't live healthy lifestyles, but want to look like they do."

Some of their products include:

Meredith Mascara — This ultra-thin mascara coats your eyelashes fully, but is easy to wash off. Perfect for the woman with commitment issues.

Cristina Eyeliner — The dark, bold shades of this black liner convey a "f--k off" attitude with a hint of sarcasm. Best when paired with Meredith Mascara.

Izzie Foundation — This medium-toned liquid mineral foundation is infused with natural healing powers that work to prevent aneurysms, brain tumors, and bad writing. Disguises signs of exhaustion from working too late, or having sex with the deceased.

Bailey Blush — Perfect for the woman who never gets flustered or embarrassed, this translucent orange/brown powder will give your cheeks a youthful glow, while communicating your complete lack of interest in engaging in idle conversation.

Lexie Lipgloss — A shimmering, opalescent gloss with a sugary taste, Lexie Lipgloss gives your face just the touch of innocence you need to seduce the resident cad, or beg for a scrap of your half-sister's attention.

Callie Concealer — This creamy, oil-based concealer is terrific for disguising skin discolorations, dark circles, and wrinkle lines brought on by sudden, inexplicable changes in behavior. (Note: Apply liberally after having sex with several people in one day.)

Brooke Bronzer — Discontinued due to compatibility issues with Callie Concealer.

Death Warmed Over cosmetics will be available beginning next month at Wal-Mart, CVS Pharmacies, and most walk-in medical clinics.

There must be a list of names somewhere, floating around Hollywood, that details what actresses will and won't do same-sex love scenes.

Janina Gavankar — yes
Rosanna Arquette — yes
Angie Harmon — probably not
Jessica Capshaw — yes

Jessica Capshaw

It seems that the casting directors of The L Word and Grey's Anatomy both select from the same pool of women who are into kissing other women on screen. Though Janina didn't have much face time on Grey's, and certainly not any make-out scenes, E! Online is reporting that Jessica Capshaw has been cast as a new love interest for Callie Torres. You may remember her as Bette's TA who was hot for teacher. … continue reading

Grey’s Anatomy reminds me of some past relationships: Just as I’m able to let go, something happens to pull me back in. I mean, how could I not watch when one of my original lesbian crushes guest stars?

Tyne Daly, who will always be Mary Beth Lacey to me, plays Derek’s mom, Carolyn Shepherd, visiting Seattle to meet Meredith for the first time. I feel safe in assuming that Meredith will annoy Carolyn because, well, she annoys everyone.

Access Hollywood gives us a first glimpse of Derek and his mom together. I think it’s a good match, especially, as Patrick Dempsey points out, the good hair.

  … continue reading

The Grey's Anatomy surprises keep rolling in. The latest is that writer and actress Jennifer Westfeldt will join the cast this season for multiple episodes and will be playing a patient. No word yet on when her storyline will premiere, or any details about her character.

Westfeldt had a role on the recently canceled ABC sitcom Notes from the Underbelly, and is working on Then Again, a Hallmark Channel original movie slated to premiere in 2009.

But Westfeldt is perhaps best known for co-writing and starring in the indie romantic comedy hit Kissing Jessica Stein (2001), in which she tormented her girlfriend (Kissing co-writer Heather Juergensen) with a variety of neurotic objections and ailments before they split and she moved on to aggravate a new (and this time male) partner.

Helen Juergensen and Jennifer Westfeldt in Kissing Jessica Stein

Since there's scant information about the role she'll play on Grey's Anatomy, I can't help but picture Westfeldt as Jessica Stein checked in at Seattle Grace Hospital, where an array of tests are being run to determine whether or not being annoying is an incurable condition.

The only good part of my imaginary storyline? The amazing Tovah Feldshuh, who played Westfeldt's mother, Judy, in Kissing Jessica Stein. She would undoubtedly be there to both coddle and pester her skittish daughter, and maybe even successfully set her up with a nice doctor.

Any chance that doctor could be Callie Torres? If Westfeldt/Stein's stay at Seattle Grace coincides with sweeps week, then it just might happen! … continue reading

You know that Beatles song “Hello Goodbye?” Well, Grey’s Anatomy should seriously consider changing its theme song to the jaunty little number. The medical drama has been a revolving door this year, and that’s not even delving into the still-open wound of the Callica debacle. The latest cast member to be shown the door: The L Word alumnus Janina Gavankar.

Despite an earlier announcement in September of her extended stay at Seattle Grace among the new crop of interns, Janina is done. Apparently, the artist formerly known as Papi has left after two episodes.

According to Entertainment Weekly, Janina left because “the role turned out to be smaller than Gavankar had hoped (so small that I don't even recall seeing her on screen). And without a guarantee that her part would grow, the actress chose to move on.” Janina’s IMDB.com profile says she appeared as “Intern Lisa” in the last two episodes of October — “Life During Wartime” and “There’s No ‘I’ in Team.”

While I tried my darndest to remember her on screen, the best I could do was this production still from the Oct. 30 episode. She might (big emphasis on might) be the intern holding her nose behind Sandra Oh, possibly as a subliminal statement about the stinkingly small role she’d been given.

With Janina and Brooke Smith out, that leaves Melissa George very much in (while simultaneously being out) as the new and probably bisexual intern Sadie. Despite earlier reports of her character’s de-gaying, TV Guide reported earlier this month that she “still fancies the occasional female.” Gosh, isn’t that how every bisexual gal likes to be described in print? … continue reading

Nikki Weiss, one of the consultants Grey's Anatomy used to flesh out the lesbian storyline (read our interview with Weiss and her business partner Trish Doolan), has been deluged with emails from angry Grey's fans asking questions about the abrupt end to the Callica romance and Brooke Smith's firing.

Weiss, left, and Doolan

Since she can't answer every email, Nikki sent me a statement for AfterEllen.com readers giving her take on the events that have unfolded:

I've been flooded with emails about the ousted Brooke Smith and her character Erica. As a consultant for the lesbian story line on Grey's, I just want to reiterate that the producers, cast, writers (and Shonda) were VERY committed to telling this story when I met with them this past March. They really wanted to tell it openly and honestly. Writer/Director Trish Doolan and I spent a few hours with the actresses, producers and writing team. It was very clear that they had a purpose bringing both of us in through GLAAD.

It is very unfortunate that Brooke has been let go, and so abruptly, however, I don't think it came from the people who were in the room with us that day. … continue reading

I'm still processing all the news rolling in about Brooke Smith's firing from Grey's Anatomy, as well as my own emotions about this (which it's safe to say are not positive, especially in light of all the bad gay rights election news), so I'm going to wait and give you my overall opinion on the firing and de-gaying later in the week.

But here are some of the latest updates from the last two days since the news broke.

Patrick Dempsey reads a scripted answer about the firing on the Ellen DeGeneres Show today

“ABC actually sent me over what I should respond,” Dempsey tells Ellen, then proceeds to read about how it was great working with Smith, but her storyline has just come to an end. “She has been great character and I don’t know what happened with that story line," he added. "They decided not to continue it for some reason.” Watch a video clip of it here.

The best part is when Ellen asks "Is that OK?" and he said, "Well, it is for them." Which about sums it up.

Sounds like he's as in the dark as everyone else about this.

Entertainment Weekly leaks spoilers about how Erica and Callie's relationship ends this week

EW.com's Michael Ausiello provides background on the storyline that leads up to Erica going out to her car and driving away from the show for good.

"According to one of my Grey's moles, Callie and Erica have a relationship-severing blowout in tomorrow's episode that starts with an argument over whether Izzie paid a big enough price for her role in Denny-gate, and ends with Callie realizing she doesn't love girls as much as Erica does."

If this happens, I will lose even more respect for Grey's. Which I didn't think was actually possible.

GLAAD responds to the firing

GLAAD issued a statement yesterday re-iterating Shonda's position that it was bad chemistry and not the lesbian relationship that was to blame for the firing. They focused on Rhimes' reference to Callie as a lesbian, instead of bisexual:

“While we are disheartened that the burgeoning relationship between Callie and Erica on Grey’s Anatomy has come to an end, the character of Callie, who has now been identified as a lesbian by show creator Shonda Rhimes, remains and her journey continues,” says GLAAD president Neil G. Giuliano. “Because there are so few lesbian characters on network television, we hope that ABC and Grey’s Anatomy will commit to further developing Callie’s character and her relationships, and continue providing this important representation on one of TV’s most-watched shows.”

This doesn't make any sense, since the writers clearly had Callie decide she was bisexual, not gay, in the Grey's episode that aired only a few days before. Even if Callie's actual words in the episode hadn't made that clear, all the sex with Mark Sloane did. … continue reading

This week on Grey's Anatomy (5.6 "Life During Wartime"), Callie and Erica had great sex, prompting Erica to have a revelation, and Callie to run away and sleep with Sloane — twice — and ultimately conclude that she liked sex with both of them, but wants to date Erica exclusively.

Here are pics from their opening scene:

Best scene? Easy: Erica's tearful coming-out speech ("I am so, so gay!") comparing sex with Callie to the first time she got glasses as a child, and could finally see leaves for the first time ("you are the glasses!"). Terrific acting and writing.

Worst scene(s)? Most of the ones between Sloane and Callie, and not because Callie was questioning her sexual orientation — that kind of introspection and doubt is a natural part of coming-out for most women — but because the sex scenes with Mark were gratuitous and played into stereotypes about promiscuous bisexuals. … continue reading