Being a — forgive me — rather gifted Lesbian Scientician, I expected to fare much better with the gambling on my recent trip to Las Vegas. When I told my very straight best friend about my shocking disappointment, she scoffed and told me she didn't even understand what Lesbian Scientistics was. I explained that it is the meeting of Science and Statistics as viewed through the lens of Queerology, obviously.

When she seemed skeptical, I said, "Well at least my gaydar still works."

This, too, is something my best friend is skeptical about. She feels like she can discern someone's sexuality as quickly and effectively as her gay friends can do it. So, we put it to the test with a random control group: cartoon characters. I chose the top five lesbian cartoon characters based on my skills as a lesbian, and she chose the top five lesbian cartoon characters based on her skills as a straight person.

Here are our results:

Now, it's up to you to make the final decision: Which cartoon characters are the biggest lesbians? It doesn't have to be the ones listed here. I'm sure we've forgotten some. Please help restore some of my dignity after my terrible show at Vegas Blackjack.

When I was a kid, I watched a lot of Saturday morning television — Hong Kong Phooey, Underdog, Krofft Superstars, etc. But even though I've outgrown (most) children's TV, I never fully broke the weekend morning TV habit. My guilty pleasure of late has been watching Beverly Hills 90210 on SOAPnet on weekend mornings.

(Right now they're in the college years, and I keep enjoying little nuggets inspired by the year that Darren Star and I overlapped at UCLA.)

So you'd think I'd be excited about the news I heard the other day — a spin-off of 90210 is reportedly in the works. But, you know, I wasn't so much. In fact, I thought it sounded like a pretty stupid idea. (As Dlisted.com said, “9021-NOOOOOO!!!!”) The show ended eight years ago. (And it should have ended at least 10 years ago.) There's no word yet on which cast members will return, and Darren Starr isn't even attached to the project. Additionally, the original audience is all grown up, and I don't know that they would really be interested in much more than a reunion show. So, I don't really get it. But apparently, it's not for me; it's for the Gossip Girl crowd, and is intended to be essentially a West Coast companion piece. Which still doesn't explain to me why it's going to be a spin-off of a long-dead show.

Of course, 90210 has already spawned one uber-successful spin-off, Melrose Place.

Melrose was one of those crazily successful spin-offs that has probably spawned all sorts of spin-off envy in development executives. It wasn't a particular favorite of mine, but I did like it in the relatively tame first season, before Michael Mancini became Dr. Evil and when the main drama was the will-they-or-won't-they tension between Billy and Allison.

But rather than just puzzle over the 90210 spin-off, I'd rather reminisce about spin-offs I recall fondly. Here are a few of my favorites:

Rhoda (1974 — The Mary Tyler Moore Show) … continue reading

I don't think too much about dating, these days. I've haven't been single for a while and have no desire or plan to be single again. But when I saw Entertainment Weekly's list of “TV Characters You'd Date,” I asked my girlfriend and a couple of friends to play the who-would-you-date game. My girlfriend chimed in immediately with Dana Fairbanks. (I was not surprised. She's mentioned her before.) One friend led with Olivia Benson (Law and Order: SVU) and followed up with Tasha Williams (The L Word) and Diane Russell (NYPD Blue). The other shared that Kris Munroe (Charlie's Angels) was her first love (and the one against which all subsequent loves have been measured). And then she threw in Mary Bradford (Eight Is Enough) and C.J. Lamb (L.A. Law) for good measure..

And, of course, I made my own list. Which got very long. Here are but a few.

Liz Lemon — 30 Rock

This one is so obvious that I almost feel stupid explaining it. Smart is hot. Funny is hot. And hot is hot. Even though she might eventually send me looking for my own “lady Steadman,” I would not pass up the chance to date Liz Lemon.

Alice Pieszecki — The L Word

Once again, smart + funny + hot = an obvious choice. She's out and proud, and I like that in a woman. Alice did, however, have a lot of competition for my affections. On pure physical attraction (plus major smarts), I'd probably go with Bette. But she cheats, and I don't like that in a woman. Then there's Tasha. Swoon. And Carmen. Swoon. But I think I would laugh most with Alice, so there you go.

Alex Cabot — Law and Order: SVU … continue reading