Keeping track of who has joined the Sapphic sisterhood (otherwise known as the sisterhood of the traveling cargo pants) and who hasn’t is just so difficult these days. Sam is with LiLo, Naomi Watts is perfectly straight, Megan Fox once schtupped a stripper named Nikita and Katy Perry is still a nuisance. And that’s just in the last month alone.

But wait — there is more! In the third installment of "Celebrities That Are Not Lesbians," we cover media reports of possible lesbian tendencies of various female celebrities or declarations of heterosexuality by certain female celebrities and ridicule them.

Australian pop singer Kylie Minogue defies the aging effects of time. She does not look much different than she did when The Locomotion was burning up dance floors — well, minus the gravity-resisting teased '80s perm. Another unchanging aspect of Minogue is that she was not a lesbian in the 1980s, and she is still not a lesbian. This may go without saying, but as usual, there is a back story.

In September, Ms. Minogue mentioned that she might "go gay." She was quoted as saying, “God knows I can’t get a man — so maybe I should cross over.” (Because, you see, women become lesbians when they cannot get a man. Well, gee, I’m glad that I finally got that memo.) … continue reading

Oh hey, look, it's Dita Von Tee…eek! Wait, that's not Dita. That's, um, that's. Oh God, that's Evan Rachel Wood. It's only taken her 14 months to completely and totally turned herself into her boyfriend Marilyn Manson's ex-wife, Dita Von Teese. The horror, the horror.

Rachel stepped out last night for The Life Before Her Eyes screening in New York. Rachel stars in the new thriller, which opens in limited release Friday, along with Uma Thurman. Her new so-brown-it's-basically-black do made its public debut at the event and the result was startling -- startlingly familiar, that is.

Look, as creepy as I think it is to that a 39-yer-old man is dating a 20-year-old girl and calls her his twin,” it's even creepier that said 20-year-old girl has morphed herself into said 39-year-old man's ex. It's just yucky. Seriously, ewww. I could go on and on about the nearly 20-year-age difference, but what bugs me the most is how the couple happily plays up their Lolita dynamic, right down to the red heart-shaped sunglasses. Look, jailbait is fun and something to emulate. Whee! And then there was that video. Shudder.

… continue reading